LrAu

Instead of taking a class this semester I buried myself in reading, and I took to authors that have influenced me and my writing. One book I reread was “The Infinite Game” by Simon Sinek. I am not sure why I keep coming back to this book, but each time I find my brain rolling with ideas. I will not try to summarize the complete book, but the highlight is that adopting the right mindset can drive companies to long term success, opposed to quarter-by-quarter results. He gives plenty of examples of successful companies following this theory. 

A finite game is something that has a defined set of rules, and at the end has a clear winner. Some good examples are sports, board games etc. An infinite game would have no rules, no set players, no real endpoint, and no trophy to hold up. Think politics, business, and even just life. And it is that last word ‘life’ that started me thinking, his book is a playbook for companies that want to succeed long term. Companies each year create roadmaps for the year, and when things happen like they get a new CEO they set a new vision.  

As people approach New Years Eve, many people think about their vision for the year, often called resolutions. I want to lose weight, read more etc. To set a measurable goal, those measurable goals lead to success. If we change that mindset and make those goals infinite, the key is to make that once and create systems to achieve them. Our goals should not be, I want to lose ten pounds as that is very finite and short term, the infinite goal would be I want to live a healthy lifestyle. One milestone of a healthy lifestyle is losing weight, but by building the lifestyle it will last a lot longer than short term weight loss. Other examples could be to be more philanthropic with your life. It is not about a one-time donation but changing your mindset to be active with charities.  When you hit them, you will wonder what is next, instead of thinking infinite, the change is permanent. Happiness will come from doing small things daily that relate to your long-term success, however you define it. 

Where do I start finding my infinite life? Start with what gives your life meaning. Simon has another book “Start with Why” which helps companies create their identity and it is the question you can start with also. Do you want to leave the world a better place? Do you to be remembered? Do you want to help others that may never know who you were? And then ask why do you want those things. In finding the why you will find a passion that is hidden inside yourself. And I may be trivializing this as it may take a long time. Be patient, it took me a long time to figure this part out, and I am still adjusting occasionally. 

Next is about people. Surround who are honest, trustworthy, will give you valuable feedback and support you. You must be able to do the same, you must listen to them, give them feedback, show vulnerability etc. You need to enjoy and celebrate their success. You need to learn how to be a good friend. Find one special friend that you can compete with, someone who challenges you. For every Coke there is a Pepsi, Microsoft there is an Apple, you need someone who is a worthy rival to compete with. Instead of envying their abilities, use them as a learning experience to improve yourself. These connections will be important as you get older.  

Bruce Lee once said, “Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked while the bamboo or the willow survives by bending with the wind.”  Yes, the next key is going to be flexibility. You are going to need to adapt to change. Growing up I remember when we were told a healthy diet consisted of a lot of bread and eat the least amount of fat. Science has changed and if having a healthy lifestyle is your goal, you need to adjust based on the new science. Outside influences will force flexibility, fighting them will only make your infinite goal harder to achieve.  

Do not be afraid of failure. Failure should be a learning experience in reaching the infinite game. If you gain a few pounds, or get hurt etc. It is ok, it is only a temporary hurdle. Since you are playing the long game the next day, the next meal gives you a chance to course correct. Just like a GPS does when you miss a turn, you reroute. This goes hand in hand with flexibility. 

Lastly, have the courage to keep going. Only you know what you want out of life. Only you know your infinite goals. No matter what life throws at you, have the courage to wake up and make the next day better. This is where it helps to have people around you who support you. In your darkest moments, they can encourage you. If you have a rival, you can wake up and think, I cannot let them beat me today.  

Happiness is not a destination. Think that if I lost ten pounds then you will be happier, but it does not work. What makes you happy is the effort and journey to lose that weight while building a healthy lifestyle which prevents it from coming back. Happiness is people noticing your face getting thinner, your skin looking better, your general attitude getting better from being healthy. Happiness is living with purpose, waking up every morning, and practicing the infinite game. Short term successes are only steps and needed along the way. This should be more of a book than a short essay, and it is not my usual storytelling, but alas I bent like the willow today. 

Take a step back, find your why and start your infinite game. 

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. 

Last year I took a class in Astrophysics, and it blew my mind. After that I decided to take a class in Astrophotography, it always fascinated me. As a child my dad also had a fondness of the stars, he purchased a telescope from Edmund scientific. It was not just a cheap one like the ones you see on sale for under a hundred dollars, but one with a motorized star tracker. He also purchased an adapter for the 35mm camera (Pentax Spotmatic) so we could take pictures, we already had a dark room in the basement to develop them. Without the necessary training, time commitment to work on it the interest slowly faded away.

After taking the class, I wandered into my local astronomy club a few Fridays and just listened to others who were deep into the hobby. One night a good friend came with me, and when we left be both felt we brought the average IQ in that room seriously down. What I learned was that astrophotography could be an expensive hobby, but you could start out a lot simpler. That the technology to create a stunning nebula photo like the ones seen on APOD was much more attainable than in the 1970s.  

I turned to the internet and started searching. From the years of photographing my daughters in their activities (hockey, lacrosse, figure skating and cheerleading) I had purchased a few Digital cameras (DSLR) and some lenses. I was wondering, based on what I learned, could I just start with equipment that I already had. My mistake was taking the class towards the end of the spring and into summer. In the northern hemisphere the amount of nighttime starts to shrink, and one needs to be up late to take pictures of the stars. My ADHD kicked in and the hobby again was put on the shelf.  

It is now November, and I had a few bad weeks mentally. I will not go into details; it could be that it is getting dark out at 4:30pm. I noticed sitting on a chair in my office was my photography bag, I thought dang it is getting dark out early now is the time to shoot. I had already saved a whole bunch of YouTube videos and articles, and I learned even since the spring other techniques improved so on Saturday night, I went to take some trial photos from my street. The first night shots were horrible, the second night was light years better. Last night was the third night and it was too cloudy to shoot.   

Last night though I had an epiphany. I was writing my yearly giving thanks post, and though it was littered with the usual b.s. that one spills it felt calculated and not real. In a conversation with someone I they said something that made me scrap it all and start over. One of the reasons for my languishing was that I was looking at what I did not have. I saw the glass was half empty.  But more important, the last few days my languishing had gone away as I was deep into my new hobby.   

The connection was made, I simply was enjoying what I had, I was not concerned about what I did not, and other people have. A camera, a tripod, a lens, and a lot of computer power allowed me to see stars that I could not see with the naked eye. The sheer amount of light pollution makes it hard to really shoot astrophotography. What I learned I actually get amazing shots with the cameras I already owned. I was very thankful at that moment. I was thankful for everything that led me to the moment I created my first decent stacked photo. From my parents nurturing my love of astronomy, to having a job that let me afford some good camera equipment, to my kids who without them I would not have bought said camera, to having a roof over my head, and to being alive to shoot photos. I am truly lucky and there are other people who do not have a place to live, do not have the choices we have for food and who are not in great health. A first world hobby taught me something about giving thanks in a way I did not expect.  

In a time where there are a lot of problems, I am thankful that I live in this country, have shelter, food I choose to eat, and the basics of life are not a struggle. I am thankful for family, friends, coworkers, people no longer with us, people who are just no longer in my life (some I wish still were) people I never met who had an impact on me and the way of life that we take for granted every day.   I am also thankful for people taking the time to read my blog, you do not have to, it is a choice. My wish is that everyone finds that something or someone that is already in their life and cherishes it just a little more today. 

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. 

When I was younger my dad would tell me stories about cars. One story was how he drove on a racetrack. I guess it may be genetic that there was a fascination with cars when we were younger.  Growing up my parents did not drive race cars, or exotic sports cars. They owned things like an LTD Station Wagon, Volvo 240 sedan etc. At one point my dad had a Datsun (yes not Nissan yet) 260z. As a kid I was fascinated with more exotic cars, Porsche, Jaguar, Ferrari, and Shelby Cobras. My dad gave me some information about Jaguars as one of our family friends owned one, how you could drive them on weekends, but they needed to be tuned during the week. To own one, you would need to have a daily driver and drive the Jaguar on weekends. This seemed bizarre as well as added to their exoticness.  

Most people do not think about maintenance for their cars, as most modern cars can go a long time without it, but back in the 1970’s and 1980’s cars needed regular maintenance. The oil needed to be changed every three-thousand miles, spark plugs were changed multiple times a year, air filters when they got dirty, rotating tires and it was important to lubricate the chassis. There were many other parts that were serviceable including the PCV Valve, Distributors, Points, etc. My dad was not mechanically inclined, but we owned a Chilton’s and did some basic maintenance. Eventually my brother and I did some of the work ourselves.   Not sure people remember all the different tools that came out to gap spark plugs, we bought all different ones no idea why. For those confused there were no YouTube videos for guidance.  

Most people now do not maintain their own cars. Many cars can go one hundred thousand miles without the need for changing spark plugs, and for other maintenance there are quick oil change places that get you out quicker than can be done at home. Some cars even say that Oil changes can be done at fifteen thousand miles (with synthetic oil). Modern cars no longer have some parts like distributors, distributor caps, points and all other parts that were worn regularly.   That Parent to Child relationship of working on cars does not exist like it used to (Yes, I have gotten to that it was better back then). I do have one neighbor who does it, but it is far and few between.  

But as cars lost the need for maintenance I look back at the days when they needed it. Thinking about the story my dad said about Jaguars, it was not just about cars. That the man car relationship I had as a kid was an introduction to person-to-person relationships.  Each relationship needs constant maintenance and sometimes repair. Sometimes it is a call, a text, a thank you, a change or routine or a hug. Sometimes it is a slight tuning of what you do, and other times it is a bit of work.  

As a child I would read about how intricate the Jaguar engines were. They were so complex that there were special mechanics just for these exotic cars. Unlike the human mind, it is incredibly complex. What is crazy is that there are manuals for how to fix cars, so you have a relationship with cars, but I do not remember seeing a manual on friendship. The best mechanics can hear something about a car, whereas a friend can sense when something is wrong. But there is a manual on how to maintain a Jaguar to keep it running well so you can drive it, but no such luck with friendship. 

What are things that help friendship. I wish there were a simple list, or a magic list. I am sure that I made mistakes in some friendships in the past.  In a podcast I was listening to one thing was mentioned that responding to a friend with shortcuts like ‘HBU,’ ‘TY,’ or ‘YW’ instead of typing out the sentence is disrespectful. That you need to put more effort into conversations with your friends. But that to me is an old person speak. The same person complained about contractions. Noticing effort is different, whether someone uses shortcuts or not is not material. It really is between two people, if it bothered me, I would say something. This is the maintenance part, being able to tell a friend “Hey, I wish you would not do that.” Simply tuning it continues to grow. 

If you think you can get a relationship that needs no maintenance, you are wrong. The best relationships are when that maintenance work seems easy.  Just like working on cars with dad or friends. Funny I do not think my dad meant to teach me that lesson, not sure he ever wanted to work on his car. The lesson I got from it did not surface much later in life. It is too bad that cars these days do not need some care, so that kids could learn the lesson of putting in effort to keep something they love.   Yeah, and that is me pretending to look confused while trying to fix a gas line.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. 

Every so often I just need background noise while I am doing a task. Sometimes it is a playlist of songs I have heard thousands of times; other times it is a TV show or movie I know the whole thing. The key is something in the background for noise but not distracting. I put on a TV show from the 80’s, Miami vice, and just let it go. It is binge watching, but not paying attention. 

One Episode came on, that I heard a bit in the background. The title is “Lend me an ear.” The plot, and if you really care then go watch it, then come back and finish reading. The plot is about a surveillance expert who is selling bugs to the police and hired to sweep and find bugs by the bad guys. He is playing on both sides, making money from each. He has no problem taking money from either side. I will not tell you had it ends, because that is not why this relates to this blog. So there, I did not ruin it for you. 

That same day I was reading a blog post about how the internet is inundated with content that is being generated by GPT Tools. But that to me is a minor problem as I later saw a commercial for someone who was responding to an email using a GPT Tool.  They were bragging about how easy it was to send emails without doing anything. On a tech podcast I was listening to which talked about a company who had a resume filtering service also now had a resume authoring and job posting service. Lastly, in my news feed this week someone authored an article about how he tried out several GPT tools specifically designed for online dating. Not only would they chat with the person via the dating app but would also impersonate his voice for initial conversations.  

What if everyone employed those tools?  

• Emails would be going between two GPTs and no one is looking at it and getting anything done 

• Two people have their GPTs talk to one another, and when they finally meet realize neither of them have a clue about the other person or if they should even meet 

• GPT resume writers overwhelm job posting who are using AI to screen them and thus do they really find the best candidates to get to a person. 

Inside a company both people are using the same email tool, the two people using the dating app use the dating apps tool, and there is a company that sells both the resume writer and screener. Oh, wait it was the plot of Miami Vice almost forty years ago. Someone playing both sides of the game and making money off it. And in all three cases nothing is moving forward. Neither consumer is getting the service they want.  

If you are expecting me to produce some miracle cure to this situation, well I do not have one.  Cory Doctorow coined the phrase enshitification, but that was way before this dual enshitification started. I do not want to sound like a Luddite. I am just pointing out something that I see, that as much as this technology does excite, we, we should not lose ourselves in it and believe in a sales pitch that it will make our lives easier.  

All these things existed before the AI crashed the party recently, email tools suggest responses for emails, you can use a resume writer to help you craft a resume, there are resume screener software that exists, and many companies use it, it is now the scale and reduced cost that starts to make this a problem. Companies thinking about their bottom line do not think about broader impact of what might happen. Example, for a job search service, they know if they can get your resume in front of the write people, you can get a job. This means applying with a custom resume and cover letter for the job so that it can be noticed. If they have software that can do this at scale, their costs go down and in theory profits will go up. The same with dating etc.  But if everyone is doing it on both sides what is the impact?

Ok, so maybe I will propose a solution. We as people need to think, is this an effective way to move forward? Should that email be a quick call, do I need to cc everyone on that original email? In dating even people are starting to move off the dating apps, and trying to meet in real life again. I do not have a direct answer for job searches, but I do know the old school of knowing someone is still more important than resume blasting.  

I love technology, and I continue to work with LLMs both in my job and some personal projects. In coding it is indispensable as a pair programmer. We just need to think about when to use the tools and when to interact with someone in real life. I am going to turn on an episode of Miami Vice and spark another idea for a blog post. 

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising, and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted, and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated, and all spam will be removed. 

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. 

Calvin and Hobbes is one of the best comics I ever read as a kid. If you have not ever heard of it, i would highly recommend go take a look. The comic only lasted only ten years, and I do not remember anyone that was not funny. The one above I have used many times at work including for my bi-weekly team building one. Bill Watterson in his 10^th anniversary book said, “The quality of a strip is determined by the quantity of the ideas in the waste basket.”  

Why do I mention that quote and the comic? If you read the blog consistently, there is a large gap between the last post and this one, and I wondered myself why that was true. I looked in the lists of posts I started, but none have met the bar I set for myself. And though I have always prided myself on last minute panic to often right these, that has not worked out as on Sunday morning there is no moment of inspiration.  

Unlike Mr. Watterson where he ripped up comics and put them in a physical trash, when writing electronically you often keep the bad ideas in a ‘trash’ folder. I was thinking about other stories about artists who had a lot of ideas that were thrown out. In New Jersey music mythology the Bon Jovi album Slippery When Wet had thirty tracks written for it. At a local pizza parlor, a bunch of kids there helped pick the final tracks, the rest went in the trash. I also wrote about another example earlier in my blog I talked about an artist I knew and his destroying of canvases that did not meet his quality standards. 

My quality standard is only part of the problem, but there is another issue. I experiment a lot with GenAI to help me write code. I find it a perfect companion to assist me in coding, and even better help me understand what I wrote years ago. When I try to help it with my writing, it is awful. I was not sure why. I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts Re:Thinking with Adam Grant and the September 27^th Episode (yes, I am running behind Sorry Adam) with John Legend. John Legend was helping another artist, and I am going to paraphrase what he said to that artist “I do not like that song because it sounds like anyone could write it.”  

When one of the GPT’s writes something, it sounds like something that anyone could write, it does not sound like me. This is a bar that I seem to subconsciously think about. I look at it and say it is awful, but I am not sure why. Really what it is, it does not sound like I wrote it. It sounds like someone else wrote it for me. Honestly, I do use tools to help my grammar and spelling.  

There may be more gaps coming, and although I mentioned in an older post that I have a lot in draft, those do not meet either of my quality gates. I am fortunate that I do not write for a living, that this is a labor of love as well as something that allows me to be creative differently from my job. I always maintained profound respect for many of the authors I blog I read, and the ones that post more than one a week. I am amazed how they can constantly keep up the quality. For Bill Watterson who had to make strips for a daily comic must have been incredibly stressful for the ten years. I value the people who read what I write, and rest assured that when I choose to post, it will meet my standards.  I also want the words to be mine, and that when you read something you know that I wrote it, not something anyone could write.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising, and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted, and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated, and all spam will be removed.  

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them.  The room of canvases smashed with axes was AI generated, I am not that good of an artist.

Unexpectedly I get a phone call, the person on the other end is crying. They can hardly get out their first few sentences, but after a minute or so they are able to start. The go through their current situation and in the end say, ‘I don’t know what to do.’  

This has happened a few times in my life, and I am glad. The conversation continued for a while, with just me trying to get details, as if I am to help, I need to know more. I want to make sure the person first is ok, but it is the understanding of the situation that is key. I asked a few questions and replied with some links to information. I needed to balance two things, first to calm the person down and second to try to find a way to help in this situation. 

Now the problem was not resolved in a single call, in fact it is going to lead need some more information gathering on my friend’s side but as the conversation was closing, I mentioned please keep my updated as you know things, as in tomorrow and the next day. The response was ‘I don’t want to bother you.’ I had to stop them right away. My response was how can you deny me of being there for you, in fact I added on top, how can you deny any of your friends from being there when you need them.  

I think of anything this shocked them. We had a few minutes discussion about friendship. I have been thinking about this for a while. Even at my age, I am still learning the ins and outs of how to be a friend. I am sure I have failed or made mistakes, but I am only human. One thing I do know, and I told my children there is no greater gift than the one of friendship. Long before I heard that line in the movie Polar Express, it was something I believed. 

Friendship is not just being there for the good times; it is being there when they need you most. That also means often being there when they do not ask for it. It is calling them unexpectedly, it is saying yes to something you would not do, just to spend some time together. It is being the side kick, wingman or just company. But, when there is a tragedy, like when my wife passed, it was wonderful to have people around. And even more so many years later, many are still around helping in ways they might not think about. 

Then there is the Ben Frankin Effect. This is when you like someone better after doing something for them. Now of course this could be considered a part of cognitive dissonance, where even if you do not like a person, and help them you end up liking them. Let us put it in context, that helping a person you are already friends with allows you to like them more. The notion of helping someone brings you closer to them. I did not think about it this way, but people I have mentored over the years have become friends, I wonder if I ended up liking them due to the fact I was helping them?

This call, like many things that happen in my life, made me reflect again. How do I make friends? How do you have hard conversations with them? If there is something that does bother you about the friendship, can you bring it up? If so, how? As you get older why is it so hard to make friends?  And it also made me think, why didn’t I call some of my friends when some of the worst things happened to me? Why did I not ask to have someone just to talk to? Why did I deny some of my friends the pleasure of helping others? If one of the greatest things you can do is help other people, denying a friend to help you is denying them that feeling. 

In previous posts I talked about saying yes to things and making moments, that wonderful stories can come from adventures.  I am now realizing that those adventures may be great, but also helping others, and letting others help you is another fantastic way to build bonds between friends.  So do not be afraid to ask for help, and be happy when someone asks you for it.

By Larry Gold – LrAu

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. 

I am sitting at work and wanting to be able to demonstrate an idea that is rattling around in my head. The logic in my brain drives me to aggregate data and let the data tell the story. I create all different views of the data, and my idea does have empirical information behind it. I am working up slides and just putting tables of data there does not energize me like the idea in my head. I debate whether I should ask a GPT could it show what I want it to show but realize it will not understand what I am talking about. I now start to question myself, am I going about this the right way? 

There is a famous quote attributed to Stalin, one death is a tragedy, one million deaths are a statistic. Just throwing statistics on a PowerPoint does not have the impact I would like. The impact of say a great movie, the one when you leave the theatre you and you can recount great scenes. More recently, it is a meme that you share over and over and make people crack up. What makes a difference between jamming facts and the movie or the meme?  

Over the week there is a document released from Mr. Beast about how he runs his company, it is a fantastic read. He wrote about different statistics he looks at. I decided to look at my blog statistics. The posts that have the most views, the most engagement are ones that personal stories. Stories that make you say ‘I have done that’ or ‘I can relate’ have more of an impact than just regurgitating a thought. The last two posts are stories, first I explained that I had an ADHD breakdown and the most recent one learning a lesson from taking my dog for a poop got people to talk to me about them. If I just posted, people with ADHD need tools, or any failure is mostly a chain of events instead of a single point to blame.  

The question I now asked was why is a story more impactful and memorable than just statistics? Why are a few lines meme more interesting than deep details? I started thinking is this why the bible is a list of stories? Is this why Aesop fables were so popular? Is this the reason that when Apple advertising they show people doing something with their hardware instead of just listing the specifications?  

According to research, stories are remembered twenty-two times more than facts alone. I am not sure how you measure that, nor do I know if it is a proven fact, but the use of stories is embedded within humanity.  Greek and Roman Mythology were used to teach lessons, it would be faster to just state the lesson but not as memorable. We still read Mythology, and study it and one of the top five reasons is to learn life lessons through entertainment. By just instructing students on what you want them to learn it would be faster, but it may not stick.  

Bruce Lee before he passed away was working on a movie the Game of Death. Bruce wanted the movie to be a lesson about life, the inability to adapt would end in destruction. The ability to learn lessons allows you to ascend. Bruce, like others before and after chose to use story telling as a way of teaching a lesson. It was mostly lost as he died before the movie was completed, and what was release was more exploitation than his script.  The Image below is a drawing by him describing the ascent.  

So here I am writing this week’s post, and my desire to get better every day and to document my journey. It is the stories of my life that teach me, and mostly the failures where I need to learn a lesson, many times learn a lesson more than once. The stories are more memorable, lead to great laughs with friends and make us think. It is more reason to have experiences and have delightful stories to tell so you can pass on wisdom to others. And no, I never finished that presentation, I scrapped the idea until I could produce a relevant story. It has taught me that I need a story to get my point across, and I will work on that this week. 

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed. 

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. 

It is always strange where lessons pop into my life. The other day I went to walk my dog, I grabbed the leash, my dog got over excited, I clicked it into her harness and off we went. Belle is getting a little older, so we do many short walks, and occasionally I take her on long hikes. This walk was around the block to get her outside and get me outside for a few minutes.  

A few minutes into the walk Belle had to go poop. I went to get a bag to pick it up, and there was none left. This is another first world problem, those of you who know me know I use this expression often. But my first reaction was anger, who used the last bag? Which one of my kids did not refill? Why didn’t I look to see if there were no empty bags before I left on the walk? Redirecting the anger from others to myself, also not a good thing. 

While walking back to the house I started thinking a bit more rationally. There is a classic saying that two wrongs do not make a right. This situation had a new definition of two wrongs. In this case, yes whoever used the last bag should have reloaded the leash. I also should have looked at it. I started thinking about other situations where there is a chain of failures, and we often look for a sole source of blame.  

Why do we want a sole source of blame? And why do we not want the sole source of blame not to be us? Our brains are as complex as they are like simple, they like shortcuts. When there is noise or unnecessary information our brains do their best to ignore it. If there is missing information in our brains, try to fill it in to make sense of what we are seeing and hearing. The classic story of why Lucille Ball could get Russian signals in her teeth, as the story goes was to dispel the myth of how powerful they could be. Having a single spot to blame is used by marketers to sell you things, as well as politicians to sell you on voting for them. Just as I wanted to blame one of my daughters than thinking there were two reasons for the failure, hearing someone I already dislike is the cause of my problems.  

I challenge myself to get past my first reaction and dig deeper. Solving problems is where I want my brain to be spending its energy. In the case of the situation, I thought of a few things: 

• Putting a second bag holder, yes, I could run into the same situation with two 
• Wrapping a bag around the handle, as a reminder if you use one on the handle to replace the bag, or if you pick it up without one on the handle you need to replace the bags. 
• I could put a note on the door, do not forget bags 
• Etc. 

In any situation understanding anger that comes from problems is a chance to redirect that anger to problem solving. I need to remind myself of that lesson and think about my dog. 

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. 

I blew up on a Sunday.  It was completely uncalled for. The person I was angry with was myself. For those who think I am perfect, news flash, I am not. I do have bad days, and lucky for me the good days outweigh the bad by more than tenfold. Let me give you the backstory so you can understand why I got so upset with myself, and why it was uncalled for. 

To explain how we got there a need to start with how I got angry, which started on Saturday night. I needed to go shopping to get some ingredients to make Buffalo Chicken Dip.  One of my daughters and I headed to the Market with that and a few other things to get. So, we get a few items, put it in the cart, checkout, and drive home. We get home, I am setting up to cook Sunday and I realized we forgot one key ingredient. For a dish that has only 5 ingredients it was a bit ridiculous to forget one. Not only that, my daughter needed one thing, and guess what, she forgot that also.  

We went back in the car, and this time we got the one item I needed, as well as the item she needed. We kept asking if there was something else, we missed. Agreed that we got it all, we checked out again and drove home. All seemed good and I got to bed ready to wake up early, do a bit of the home chores and cook for the BBQ.  

Around eleven in the morning it came time to cook, and I started. Guess what, I forgot another item!  How can I go shopping two times for five ingredients and only get four items? This is basically when I lost it. The negative talk came out and I could not believe I messed this up. I do know it is wrong to talk negative about yourself, I try to teach myself not to do it, but as most people know it is a process, sometimes you fail at it.  

What did I do wrong? I broke one of my key coping mechanisms of getting something done. When I go shopping, I make a list, and I check off as I get each item guaranteeing that I always get exactly what is on the list. In cases where the store does not have it, I am ok, and it is not checked off the list. It is technically foolproof but has one simple flaw. I need to make a list! I was so confident that I could remember five items with all the distractions of the store and having my daughter with me. But here is the problem, with ADHD that is not a plan for success. The plan should have been made the list and checked it.  

I was not mad that I forgot two items twice. I was mad at myself for not using what is an extraordinarily successful tool to get something done. Of course, after getting angry for a few minutes, I remembered to breathe and remind myself this is a first world problem. And yes, the dish came out fantastic as people devoured it at the BBQ, and I should have known better than getting upset with myself and thinking negatively of my ability to function.  

Over the years to manage my ADHD I have compiled a tool chest of coping strategies so that I can succeed. There is a challenge that I need to use those tools daily, and in cases like this scenario when I choose to skip it, occasionally I will make mistakes. It was not my ADHD that caused me to make the mistakes, it was me not picking the right tool from my chest to ensure success. Owning the problem is key, and it will be a constant learning process of success and failures to remind myself to not take shortcuts. The lessons I constantly learn. 

• I need to own when I fail  
• I need to do a quick check to understand what tool I should have used and promise myself to leverage it. 
• If I am not sure what would help, I ask for help from others, my therapist or anyone I trust.  
• I need to move quicker from anger to calm and reduce the negative talk to myself. 

It is a constant life of learning, and I hope this helps others who make mistakes. And I really should remember what Bruce Lee said about anger, “A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough.” 

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. 

As I child as I was a big race car fan. On TV watching the Wild World of Sports for the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. For years on end, I would have my parents get me AFX/Aurora Slot cars and would get stock cars and open wheel cars. Being a car buff was another one of my hobbies. In the 70’s in the race that seemed insane, the 24 Hours of Le Mans, I remember the Lowenbrau Porsche 962. Without the internet to learn everything I was stuck to books at the library. 

Porsche came into dominance after the Ford versus Ferrari wars of the late 1960’s. The car that was dominant was the 917. It was beautiful and nothing like anyone had ever seen, and for 3 years it dominated.  

It was built from an idea to twenty-five working cars in under ten months, surprising Ferrari who really had no time to reply.  

When these cars first came to the track, the drivers hated driving it. In fact, the Porsche drivers refused to drive it, and most preferred the earlier 908. They would drive the 908’s, which were refined and in their final form to win championships. The 917 cars were perfect in a wind tunnel, had incredibly low drag, but on the racetrack was impossible to drive. 

 With no Porsche drivers willing to race it, the leveraged a British driver, Jo Sieffert. After the race, the engineers decided something needed to be done. The story goes that the car had gnats all over its front and midsection, but none on the tail. This led them to believe there is a problem with downforce on the rear of the car.  

The Porsche engineers got sheets of aluminum, tap and self-tapping screws and went to work. They iterated over a series of changes and tested it out on the track. The engineers would get feedback from the drivers and make changes, till finally at one point the lap time was down over 5 seconds, and the drivers said, ‘Now this is a race car.’ 

Why do I tell this story? Every so often I find myself learning or sitting at my desk at home with ideas. I sit and design them, or even play the guitar. The only way to know if it works in real life, it to try it in real life. The only way to get better is to get feedback from others and adjust. Just like the engineers at Porsche as I wrote more in this blog, I got feedback from friends and random people which allowed me to find a style that was me. Following that pattern, I put some of my proof-of-concept software into a playground at work to get feedback from other developers and team members. It allowed me to iterate and build something useful. The Porsche engineers needed to push drivers to get feedback, or more they needed to be willing to ask for feedback to improve the car.  

The Porsche 917 went on to dominate for three years and started the Porsche vs Ferrari wars now that Ford had pulled back. The fact that the engineers were willing to get out of the lab and test it in real life, and were willing to take the feedback and make changes is the key. So, be a Porsche Engineer, no need to hide, get feedback in the real world, it is one way to get better. 

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them.