When hiring someone the first impression you get is their resume. Applicants can use professional resume writers and even GPTs to assist them, but it still represents them. Immediately you make some judgement on whether you want to interview them or not. Many companies now have prescreening applications that will make some first judgements for you, as the selector you make that decision. What on the resume are you looking for? Did they go to the right college? Do they have a title from a respected company? Do they have gaps? There is always something that you are looking for.
Now compare that to when you are making friends. You do not have a sheet of paper to review. Often you meet people at school, at work, or in other social settings. In all three scenarios without the resume in hand there Is some judgement that is made. Based on where you met them you assume they made it through some selection process. At college or a job, the person must have the same qualifications that you did to get in. In social settings you assume that if your friends know them, that they have the same values as your friends.
If you are unfortunately single right now and the way many people meet is online your first introduction is their profile page. This is filled with pictures and some usual comments about themselves. But, from this profile page you make judgements about them. Do they look good enough? Do they have a word or two you like? You swipe left or right and move to the next one.
Why do I compare those three? Why am I connecting three things that may not normally be connected? Why do I use the word judge so many times?
Before I answer those questions there is something that I am doing and would ask my reader to do the same. Look at the people around you, your partner, your friends, and your coworkers. There is a famous quote “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” (Jim Rohn) but your work mates’ number more than five, as well as your friends and family. Are these the people you want to be around? Are these the people with the same values you have? Look at your resume and are these the companies that fit your values? This self-reflection may not be easy, in fact use the time to be critical.
You should be able to now understand why I all four are mentioned together. I have stated simply that “you cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.” And this introspection exercise is to do just that. It is not about a new year’s resolution, not about an impulsively rash decision, or telling you to cut off everyone that does not fit. It is about making you think about your values, what you yourself think is important and making a conscious effort to spend time with people who have those values. If someone has a trait that they excel in and you lack, being around them can mentor you.
Now I am going to add a fourth scenario. Look at your last purchases. Discretionary or non-discretionary. Are you spending money that matches what is important to you? Are you spending money on things, experiences, for family, for yourself?
I write a lot about things I see and view and what I try to change in myself. The best way is to be around people who are successful in the things you want to change, and even asking them for assistance. But just being around those who share your values allows you to be yourself and you do not need to pretend to have other values. For money, everyone is going to have what they spend their money on. And there is no right answer, but make sure when doing things together, that you are getting the value you want. The value could be friendship, and the activity does not matter, but make it based on your value.
This exercise is something I may add to my quarterly routine, but the key thing is living with myself and within my values is something I need to make sure I follow.
This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free. I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them.
This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information.Images without notes are created using and AI tool that allows me to reuse them.