Month: July 2024

Two weeks ago, I got back on the ice after being off for four and a half months. It was great to be back on the ice and reminded me that I need to keep working on my skating.  When I skate regularly it improves, and the more days a week I do it, the quicker it comes back. I am not the best skater, and with lots of younger guys playing will never be, but I just want to enjoy myself in a fun competitive environment. 

When a much better skater has the puck and someone like me is trying to defend them, their ability to change direction quickly, and multiple times allows them to get passed. As I was trying my best to position myself so I could try to defend them, get a poke check, a stick in the way or somehow disrupt them my brain started thinking about some parallels. 

There is this notion that being agile allows you to adapt to situations. There is a project management practice called agile, in which the key principle is that change is going to happen, and the programming process should not only assume it but be able to react to it efficiently. For those not familiar with it, development for years was done in a method called waterfall.  This is spending months or years gathering requirements for what needs to be built, and then building it and delivering the project in one cycle.  It was akin to building a house, where someone makes a blueprint and then the builders build it. This of course is good, until between the time you get the requirements and get a product that things have changed.  

Along came agile, and said let us build stuff in smaller increments, and get feedback and change as needed. It was a drastic change. The parallel to hockey is think of a good offensive skater constantly stopping and changing direction based on what the defender is doing and making as many moves as needed to finally get past. The ability to change and adapt helps both situations and is an interesting way to relate the two. But there is something that few people talk about. 

For a hockey player to get that good at a prominent level takes years of practice.  The practice is not during game time. In many cases someone to get that good works at drills, gets skating lessons, goes to the gym, does off ice training and more all so that they can be a better player on the ice. The way we think about development or even business management is to give people some training, tell them to read or do online courses and implement it in a production. It is not years of practice, coaching and training. And doing the work outside of the day job really does not exist. There could be assumption that the person should be doing it themselves, but for a professional hockey player the practice, training etc. Is part of the job. 

I wonder if those who think about any change think about practice. Malcom Gladwell did say to be an expert takes ten thousand hours, but that is any skill including changing how you do something.  

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. 

Our family has a few house rules, and over the years they went from being kid friendly to adult. The rules are Simple:  

• If you make a mess, clean it 
• Do not be Stupid, and if you are do not get caught 
• Do not be an asshole 
• Leave your Sanity at the Door 

Now those rules may bring some laughter, but for my kids and I we regularly repeat them, and I know that giving hugs, laughing etc. are missing. But these were rules more to get us through some tough times. Every so often I think about them when meditating, or my mind is wandering and the other day found myself wondering if I break one of them. 

Driving home from work I go from one highway to another, and the exit is on the right. During some busy times, the traffic can back up a half mile or more. Some people know this and get into the right lane, some people do not realize this and try to squeeze in, and of course there are the people who try to jam their way at the last second. There are a lot of reactions to the people who have been in line. Some are angry, some honk, some let them in nicely, some try to block the person cutting in. 

In one of the many management classes I took, we were taught the notion of empathy. Putting on the empathy hat you can say ‘Maybe the guy is racing to the hospital and has an emergency’ or other fable to make the action explainable. But when you see the same car do it day in and day out, that idea seems to vanish. If your reaction is to block them and hope the other cars in front and behind you do the same thing, you can successfully piss the driver off. Does this act break the do not be an asshole rule? I remember driving someone home one night, and a driver was zig zagging to get ahead and cut us off to get one car ahead. I said to the person next to me, I guess he does not like spending time with whoever else is in that car.  

When I look at this situation what it comes down to is the value of time. We are getting upset that someone does not value our time versus their time. When it is someone, you do not know imposing on your time it is one thing, but what happens when it is someone you do know? Or someone you work with? 

How many times at work do you say the following? 

• That is an hour I will never get back. 
• That is another meeting that could have been an email 
• Why am I on this email? 
• Why do I get so many emails? 

By overloading your coworkers with emails and meetings you are not respecting their time. How many emails do you get that have dozens of people or groups attached? Every person on the email now needs to look to see if that email means anything to them. And of course, if you reply and reply to all (instead of just the two people who need the reply) you are making the whole list of people look at your reply. While many people are taught how to use email, many are not taught what good etiquette is. This could be for many reasons, but when email started there was no need for it, and as it exploded the unintended consequences of very inexpensive communication.  

As I sat in traffic wondering about the guy cutting in front, I started wondering where do I waste people who I likes time? Coworkers, friends, family all get a text, email, or other forms of communication from me, and by interrupting their flow is my time more important than theirs? One thing we should get out of the way, I have been taught that sending someone a message or a meme means that I am thinking of them. That they are important to me, and I want to connect. One of the first posts I wrote is my thoughts on communication where I explain the difference between synchronous and asynchronous communication. What I did not think about in that post was the impact on time.  

So, what do I do now? I think with many friends I will continue to send some means. I may think about timing and overload. At work, I started to think before replying to all of it. In many cases removing all groups and trying to identify the people who need to read it. Thus, respecting their time. The people who are left out may never know I saved them a second or two, but it is not about them, this is about me not being an asshole. Thanks to this one jerk in the Acura who every day on my way home from work cuts in to get on the parkway, I had to rethink how I communicate. And as an act of service to my friends, family, and coworkers I have become less of an asshole. 

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them.

My parents bought a time share in Lee Massachusetts so they would go away at least two weeks a year. One week was in the summer and one in the winter. The summer week was a perfect week, the last week of August where at Tanglewood the Boston Pops and the Boston Symphony would practice. It was a wonderful week of culture. The other week was early in March, and they would often trade it for another location. One year they exchanged it for a place in New Hampshire for skiing. 

That winter we packed the car up and took the long drive up. Our family is not big skiers, but we thought it might be fun. We were in a town in the middle of nowhere, and this was in the early 80s, so not much was built up at the time. Unfortunately, the weather was unseasonably warm, and there was extraordinarily little snow on the montains. To put it simply, they were all closed for skiing. 

We were up there for a week, and within a day we were bored out of our minds. My parents decided we should go into town and see if there was anything going on. It is a quaint small town with few shops. After going into a couple of shops we stumbled into a local hardware store. This was before the days of Home Depot, Lowes etc. With no superstore to get lost in we wandered up and down the aisles of the shop.  

My brother, sister and I saw this giant tray of dirt. Well for young kids it was big, it was four feet square. We were clueless, what was a tray of dirt doing inside a store? Eventually we found a sign that said, “whoever spots the first spud wins five dollars.” We just started laughing as we thought that was an expression. People in this small town are watching ‘grass grow.’ Not only are they watching, but they could also win a prize for watching grass grow.  

If you are reading this and are wondering why I would recant a story of something so dull? First, I told this story to a friend and told her that I wanted to one day use it in my blog, but more importantly, it is over thirty years ago, and I am still talking about something which seems insignificant but cannot be if I am talking about it. It was an experience that my parents attempted to give our family that failed. It turned into one of the most memorable vacations due to this one story.  

One can look at this and say, well the lesson learned is to make the best of a situation. I would say, yes, that is just part of it. To me the bigger lesson is to spend time with the people you love and enjoy experiences. From the travel hockey with my one daughter, to Miami to an F1 grand prix, to going to Disney dozens of times before my late wife and I had kids were all going to an experience where we could be in a moment together. When you pick a destination, make sure you are there in the moment, pretend it is days before being connected and find that small hardware store with a tray of dirt. The stories that will come about will be better than the meme you just forwarded. After Sheila passed, I found a new saying ‘No good story starts with I was home watching Netflix.’ Making sure I continue to follow it is a challenge. 

Is there scientific proof? Of course there is. In fact, there are a plethora of studies that not only show it but compare it to physical items. Logically my brain had always said an experience is fleeting that a physical good I use often. What happens is that something you have becomes ‘normalized’ it is no longer special. The experience gives you stories and thinking back at them still gives you pleasure. This is something I still stuggle, sometimes I try to combine the two. I bought myself a new pair of Hockey Skates, not to say I have them, but to enjoy playing. It is the fun and experience playing with a good group of guys is what I will tell stories about.  

As I said in the F1 trip story and a few others, take advantage of a good day and enjoy an experience.  

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them.

At the age of twelve I was having terrible headaches. After my parents struggling to figure out what was wrong, I was transferred to the Columbia Presbyterian Hospital where I was put into an MRI. This is 1979, and the MRI just invented a few years before, the local hospital in New Jersey did not have one. It showed a Subdermal Hematoma and was rushed into surgery. Thanks to Dr. Arnold Gold (not related) and surgeon Dr. Carmel I was lucky enough to survive.  

Eleven years earlier my late wife Sheila was born with a tracheoesophageal fistula and raced to the same hospital. At the time it was known as the baby’s hospital. Doctors performed complex surgery and were able to save her life. Fast forward to the early 1980s my sister was diagnosed with cancer, and again it was the same hospital that came to the rescue. While I could spend a good amount of time talking about these two, but my point is that the impact that the Columbia Presbyterian Hospital made on my family and me directly is incredible.  

Over the last two posts I described the impact my dad had on me and the success he achieved. Not to be left out of the discussion, my mom founded, and ran an adoption agency for handicapped and hard-to-place children. For her work, she was awarded by Bill Bradley Woman of the year. Looking back, living up to both, or even just one, would be rather difficult. My aptitude did not lean towards following them, so I chose something different.  

I was fortunate in my career to have a few mentors early in my career who gave me some good advice. One piece of advice that stuck was while working at a company make sure you take advantage of as many of the benefits that are available to you. Most people know about health benefits, retirement etc. But there are some that are less leveraged, the notion of companies matching donations and the ability to take time off to volunteer. I am not sure that is what he wanted to point out, but it was something I found. 

Understanding this I produced a simple thought. The best way to help a charity is to find a single charity that you are connected to and focus on that. Instead of donating insignificant amounts all over the place, it is to find a single charity and donate to it. Where I currently work each year, they ask for donations once a year, and give some matching percentage. I took full advantage of it. We also have ‘volunteer’ month where the firm wants you to take part in your community. Mentioned earlier this year, after a 5-year absence we were able return to the Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital and spend an afternoon doing arts and crafts. I have run a bunch of these, donating the supplies and rounding up people to help. I cannot thank the team enough at the Morgan Stanley Children’s hospital for working with me.  

The formula I found is one way you can make a difference. First find a charity that is close to you, and leverage what is available around you to enhance your impact. The notion of one allows you to understand the needs, build a relationship with the charity and meet a lot of great people. This is quite different from the path my parents chose. I still hope to make an impact. While editing this and rewriting this I kept thinking the ideas I wanted to surface may not be what I learned while writing it. Throwing that out, while reading this you should not walk away thinking these are the only ways to go. What you should take away is that you can find your own way to make an impact. That is what I did, I took lessons from my parents and others to discover who I am.  

Much of this blog is about lessons I learned over my life, the stories behind them and things I think about. In this case I learned while writing to get out my story. Wait, did I say the Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital and not the Columbian Presbyterian Hospital a few paragraphs ago? Yes, I did. Morgan Stanley donated more than $55 million to build the MSCH and donates ongoing to ensure all administrative costs are met. But it is the institution that saved my late wife, my sister and me.  

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them.