Month: December 2024

Last week’s post was part of reflecting on my year. I do get upset as there are always opportunities missed, and things I should have done, but doing that is not productive. That post was looking at the yearly cycle of creating resolutions and the challenges with them, but this week I want to take you on a different journey. I will say this past year challenged me in many ways, and though there are days I feel like the last few years I spent treading water; I do know progress is being made. This blog is proof of that progress. 

For Thanksgiving I expressed being thankful for things I already own versus being envious of what I do not have. This was me exploring a new hobby of taking pictures of the universe. My eyes were exposed to not only the magic behind the curtain of that hobby, but many of the misnomers of it also. Knowing my ADHD often stops me from trying something so challenging, as if I am not immediately proficient at something I often get frustrated and quit. One source I did not think was going to be helping me as much, not just in learning astrophotography, but in helping me with myself was groups.  

I wanted to learn as much as I could, so I took a class. That class led me to websites, YouTube videos, Reddit boards and Facebook groups. The last two places are where I lurked for a while before interacting. Getting over my fear of being a novice and showing that, I started to ask questions and was impressed with the quality of responses. I have been involved in online communities and some start off ok but either deteriorate quickly or become more harmful than good. As I started to take and process pictures and post my results, the feedback I was getting was immensely helpful. Now that I am getting better at it, I started responding to other people’s questions based on knowledge that I gained. It is this balance which differentiates groups that I seem to enjoy versus ones that I get discouraged with. 

I looked at that interaction deeply and started to ponder. Looking through my journal I did a double take. What I was looking for were days that I marked good, and days that I marked bad. I focused on the good days and looked at some of the notes and stories around those particular days.  The best days were not when I nailed a perfect sunrise or sunset photo from the ferry, did some personal best in my workout, nor any individual achievement. The best days were when I had a conversation with someone who asked me for help. Those days when I came home and thought I had a good day at work, I may not necessarily have the most individual productive day but helping someone else be productive.  

Things that were the best part of my day:  

• A text to reassure someone 
• A simple conversation about someone’s career 
• Me asking someone “how are you?” and getting a response ‘No one asked me that.’.  

I almost wish I kept a log of who helped me on what day, and when I helped someone else. The answer to what did not happen on bad days or what was not recorded on bad days became obvious. The dopamine hits from helping someone cannot be forced nor is it repeatable on demand. Finding the secret that human’s purpose is one of service of others.  

There are hundreds of memes about defining what a manager is and is not. I am personally quoted as stating, “the best leaders are ones that get obstacles out of the way so their employees can get their jobs done”, but I may need to alter that slightly. It is not always about removing the obstacles, but it also could be helping others lift themselves past those obstacles, and having your team help you past your obstacles. It is not just for people on your team or who report to you, it should be done in a broader sense. A manager is equal of a servant to those who work for him, as this balance of helping others in turn helps oneself. Your team needs to help you as much as you help them. 

Bruce Lee said, “Real life is living for others” and the notion of service is the purpose of life. But it is also having the balance of letting others help you, as they also find purpose in the interaction. Purely being one sided relationship fail no matter what type of relationship it is. It does explain some of my friendships and gives me something to focus on for 2025.  I hope your 2025 exceeds your expectations and you find those connections who you can help, and they can help you. 

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. 

Instead of taking a class this semester I buried myself in reading, and I took to authors that have influenced me and my writing. One book I reread was “The Infinite Game” by Simon Sinek. I am not sure why I keep coming back to this book, but each time I find my brain rolling with ideas. I will not try to summarize the complete book, but the highlight is that adopting the right mindset can drive companies to long term success, opposed to quarter-by-quarter results. He gives plenty of examples of successful companies following this theory. 

A finite game is something that has a defined set of rules, and at the end has a clear winner. Some good examples are sports, board games etc. An infinite game would have no rules, no set players, no real endpoint, and no trophy to hold up. Think politics, business, and even just life. And it is that last word ‘life’ that started me thinking, his book is a playbook for companies that want to succeed long term. Companies each year create roadmaps for the year, and when things happen like they get a new CEO they set a new vision.  

As people approach New Years Eve, many people think about their vision for the year, often called resolutions. I want to lose weight, read more etc. To set a measurable goal, those measurable goals lead to success. If we change that mindset and make those goals infinite, the key is to make that once and create systems to achieve them. Our goals should not be, I want to lose ten pounds as that is very finite and short term, the infinite goal would be I want to live a healthy lifestyle. One milestone of a healthy lifestyle is losing weight, but by building the lifestyle it will last a lot longer than short term weight loss. Other examples could be to be more philanthropic with your life. It is not about a one-time donation but changing your mindset to be active with charities.  When you hit them, you will wonder what is next, instead of thinking infinite, the change is permanent. Happiness will come from doing small things daily that relate to your long-term success, however you define it. 

Where do I start finding my infinite life? Start with what gives your life meaning. Simon has another book “Start with Why” which helps companies create their identity and it is the question you can start with also. Do you want to leave the world a better place? Do you to be remembered? Do you want to help others that may never know who you were? And then ask why do you want those things. In finding the why you will find a passion that is hidden inside yourself. And I may be trivializing this as it may take a long time. Be patient, it took me a long time to figure this part out, and I am still adjusting occasionally. 

Next is about people. Surround who are honest, trustworthy, will give you valuable feedback and support you. You must be able to do the same, you must listen to them, give them feedback, show vulnerability etc. You need to enjoy and celebrate their success. You need to learn how to be a good friend. Find one special friend that you can compete with, someone who challenges you. For every Coke there is a Pepsi, Microsoft there is an Apple, you need someone who is a worthy rival to compete with. Instead of envying their abilities, use them as a learning experience to improve yourself. These connections will be important as you get older.  

Bruce Lee once said, “Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked while the bamboo or the willow survives by bending with the wind.”  Yes, the next key is going to be flexibility. You are going to need to adapt to change. Growing up I remember when we were told a healthy diet consisted of a lot of bread and eat the least amount of fat. Science has changed and if having a healthy lifestyle is your goal, you need to adjust based on the new science. Outside influences will force flexibility, fighting them will only make your infinite goal harder to achieve.  

Do not be afraid of failure. Failure should be a learning experience in reaching the infinite game. If you gain a few pounds, or get hurt etc. It is ok, it is only a temporary hurdle. Since you are playing the long game the next day, the next meal gives you a chance to course correct. Just like a GPS does when you miss a turn, you reroute. This goes hand in hand with flexibility. 

Lastly, have the courage to keep going. Only you know what you want out of life. Only you know your infinite goals. No matter what life throws at you, have the courage to wake up and make the next day better. This is where it helps to have people around you who support you. In your darkest moments, they can encourage you. If you have a rival, you can wake up and think, I cannot let them beat me today.  

Happiness is not a destination. Think that if I lost ten pounds then you will be happier, but it does not work. What makes you happy is the effort and journey to lose that weight while building a healthy lifestyle which prevents it from coming back. Happiness is people noticing your face getting thinner, your skin looking better, your general attitude getting better from being healthy. Happiness is living with purpose, waking up every morning, and practicing the infinite game. Short term successes are only steps and needed along the way. This should be more of a book than a short essay, and it is not my usual storytelling, but alas I bent like the willow today. 

Take a step back, find your why and start your infinite game. 

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain; I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  You are welcome to comment, but note it is moderated and all spam will be removed.

This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them.