When I was younger my dad would tell me stories about cars. One story was how he drove on a racetrack. I guess it may be genetic that there was a fascination with cars when we were younger.  Growing up my parents did not drive race cars, or exotic sports cars. They owned things like an LTD Station Wagon, Volvo 240 sedan etc. At one point my dad had a Datsun (yes not Nissan yet) 260z. As a kid I was fascinated with more exotic cars, Porsche, Jaguar, Ferrari, and Shelby Cobras. My dad gave me some information about Jaguars as one of our family friends owned one, how you could drive them on weekends, but they needed to be tuned during the week. To own one, you would need to have a daily driver and drive the Jaguar on weekends. This seemed bizarre as well as added to their exoticness.  

Most people do not think about maintenance for their cars, as most modern cars can go a long time without it, but back in the 1970’s and 1980’s cars needed regular maintenance. The oil needed to be changed every three-thousand miles, spark plugs were changed multiple times a year, air filters when they got dirty, rotating tires and it was important to lubricate the chassis. There were many other parts that were serviceable including the PCV Valve, Distributors, Points, etc. My dad was not mechanically inclined, but we owned a Chilton’s and did some basic maintenance. Eventually my brother and I did some of the work ourselves.   Not sure people remember all the different tools that came out to gap spark plugs, we bought all different ones no idea why. For those confused there were no YouTube videos for guidance.  

Most people now do not maintain their own cars. Many cars can go one hundred thousand miles without the need for changing spark plugs, and for other maintenance there are quick oil change places that get you out quicker than can be done at home. Some cars even say that Oil changes can be done at fifteen thousand miles (with synthetic oil). Modern cars no longer have some parts like distributors, distributor caps, points and all other parts that were worn regularly.   That Parent to Child relationship of working on cars does not exist like it used to (Yes, I have gotten to that it was better back then). I do have one neighbor who does it, but it is far and few between.  

But as cars lost the need for maintenance I look back at the days when they needed it. Thinking about the story my dad said about Jaguars, it was not just about cars. That the man car relationship I had as a kid was an introduction to person-to-person relationships.  Each relationship needs constant maintenance and sometimes repair. Sometimes it is a call, a text, a thank you, a change or routine or a hug. Sometimes it is a slight tuning of what you do, and other times it is a bit of work.  

As a child I would read about how intricate the Jaguar engines were. They were so complex that there were special mechanics just for these exotic cars. Unlike the human mind, it is incredibly complex. What is crazy is that there are manuals for how to fix cars, so you have a relationship with cars, but I do not remember seeing a manual on friendship. The best mechanics can hear something about a car, whereas a friend can sense when something is wrong. But there is a manual on how to maintain a Jaguar to keep it running well so you can drive it, but no such luck with friendship. 

What are things that help friendship. I wish there were a simple list, or a magic list. I am sure that I made mistakes in some friendships in the past.  In a podcast I was listening to one thing was mentioned that responding to a friend with shortcuts like ‘HBU,’ ‘TY,’ or ‘YW’ instead of typing out the sentence is disrespectful. That you need to put more effort into conversations with your friends. But that to me is an old person speak. The same person complained about contractions. Noticing effort is different, whether someone uses shortcuts or not is not material. It really is between two people, if it bothered me, I would say something. This is the maintenance part, being able to tell a friend “Hey, I wish you would not do that.” Simply tuning it continues to grow. 

If you think you can get a relationship that needs no maintenance, you are wrong. The best relationships are when that maintenance work seems easy.  Just like working on cars with dad or friends. Funny I do not think my dad meant to teach me that lesson, not sure he ever wanted to work on his car. The lesson I got from it did not surface much later in life. It is too bad that cars these days do not need some care, so that kids could learn the lesson of putting in effort to keep something they love.   Yeah, and that is me pretending to look confused while trying to fix a gas line.

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This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them.