Author: LrAu (Page 12 of 19)

Almost everyone I know uses Google search engine, yeah the geek friends I have use duck duck go, but most everyone is so lazy not to change the default on their browser and for most of us its google. But I am going to ask you a question, how many times have you gone past the first page on a search? How many times do you even click on a link? According to this https://sparktoro.com/blog/less-than-half-of-google-searches-now-result-in-a-click/ – the answer is many don’t even click.

Now the article talks a lot about the google algorithm, and how the rankings work but I have a different worry. Think about how you have used google, how many times have you googled “weather” – and google responds with the weather for the next 10 days. What about a sports score, it ends up right there for you. In fact there are dozens of searches that google returns results for that you don’t need to click on the link. While this is an impressive feat, there might be something else happening.

Your brain starts to trust google results. The more you use it for these simple tasks that google can do well, the more you trust the results without questioning it, or checking other sources. I would call this the Linus Pauling effect. Side bar Linus Pauling was an American chemist who won the Nobel Prize in chemistry 2x. People though he was a genius so when he started claiming Vitamin C would cure everything from the common cold to cancer, people believed him. He actually died of cancer, but all of his claims were proved wrong. But people believed him cause he was so smart.

Well you start to believe google, well because you think it is so smart. But what if you ask it something that is not so black and white? What if you are not asking it what something that can be returned in a coded answer? Say you ask something like what happened before the big bang? or something like what tastes better thin crust pizza or thick crust pizza? Or what is the best way to lose weight? Or What to do when you are feeling depressed?

If you trust google so much, you might look at the first answer to these questions. Or click on the first link. At that point you might not realize either an ad or googles “formula” will be what you click on. Is this the best answer? Does google always have the right information? Are other search engines better?

Let start with google is a public company, their mission (as they put it) is to organize the worlds information. Of course being a company they are in business to make money. So they need to monetize searches. Now a computer may execute the search, but humans have written the algorithm that have multiple goals. First obviously, is to get a good answer for the user, but second to get a good response for the advertisers. Google has done a good job about managing these competing options. If thy were bad at it, then users would leave and go to bing or other engine.

Now the Post office is a company that fails at this. The two goals the post office has to deliver mail, and second to make money. In doing the second their biggest source of funding is junk mail. Well people hate mail because of the sheer amount of junk mail they get. Do you like google or the USPS as a brand? Thought so.

Let us go back to the original point. If you trust google, is that trust warranted and are they betraying your trust? As we said they are a business, and although we would hope companies have a moral compass, sometimes profit comes before the moral compass. It is on us, the users to know what is happening. We need to read the pay, and make a choice of which link is and “Ad” or a calculated bias and find the right answer. Or we need more users to setup alternate search engines, or even alternate browsers. Adam Grant once said more successful people use chrome, but now I think chrome is ubiquitous, its more like those who use brave etc. are the people who go out of their way.

But we need to challenge google, like we challenge anyone who acts in authority. We really don’t want to be in a situation where the Linus Pauling effect is taking over our lives.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.

I look around and there are lots of people who write blogs and musing get famous, get a ted talks, and have their own youtube channels. Well I guess I would have to make a youtube video instead of just writing to have my own channel, but no one is clamoring for any of it, in fact I don’t have more than a few friends asking me to write more. Ok So I do not buy Adwords from search, I don’t have a big social media presence. But my ADD is taking over and I should get back to the topic at hand.

I have been writing and posting for years and wondering if I have gotten good at it, or at least got better. That what I write touches a chord, makes a difference, or even gets someone to think. When I started writing It was to get some personal stories out, then it transformed to really brain dump of things in my head. I stated in another blog I write to have a hobby thats is my outlet (non-paid) and its also theraputic.

I started to take stock as I was discussing with my management team about building a good team you need to make them feel like they are making a difference. So I started to think am I making a difference with this and if not what is my motivation to keep writing. So my secondary motivation is to get better at writing, better at expressing myself and better at getting my point across. Well how do you get feedback, or even rate one article vs another. It is not like a sport where you can look at the scoreboard and see who won. Wow, the last article only had three dangling participles vs the first one had 7 that is 2 extra points.

So how do I know, and how many do I have to write till get to the goal. And what is the goal. Then I thought what if there is no finish line for this, there is no “wow I am done…” point. That this is a journey, and there there is no end goal other than to improve how I communicate, document my thoughts and not worry about comparing one post to another. The more I write the better I would get if I did not write at all. The people who get better at something are not always the people with the most natural talent, but the people willing to practice and do something, not the people who read on how to do something. I realized the fear of me not doing has to be greater from the fear of it not being good. And people who are willing to be game changers, people we see famous (bezos, musk, jobbs, etc.) fear of failure was supplanted by the fear of not doing something.

Hope this one helps you think about what you are afraid to do, and pushes your fear of not doing something to be stronger so you go out and do it.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.

If you know me personally you know my love of live music. I will anything from local acts at some small venue to national acts at stadiums. I prefer not to go to stadiums with crowds etc. but that is not what this story is about. In the 80s I was fortunate to go see a few concerts, like many kids we stood in line at some local record story that had a ticketmaster machine and waiting outside in line to get them. If there was a hot act, they often gave wrist bands out to get tickets. And get this you got physical tickets (iphone didnt exist.)

I won’t mention the act, but is was one of these Arena shows (at the time the local arenas were the Brendan Byrne Arena or Madison Square Garden. Living in central jersey it was easier to get to MSG as it was an easy train ride. Well we got are tickets, took the train ride to the city, walked around the Arena saw a bunch of trucks and a few tour busses. Teams of people setup the stages, get their food, organize their day etc. Its like a small moving city to get this band on tour. We get in to watch, always going early. Dozens of people walking across the stage etc. Well the show was fantastic.

Not that many years later, the same band is on tour. But this time playing a local venue. For those who lived in central jersey at the time, it was Club Bene (Joe Beninato was a great guy, but thats a story for another time.) Well this time no multiple trucks or giant tour busses, no entourage building the stage etc. I saw the musicians setting up their own equipment. The show was even better than the MSG one, well sitting in one of the front row tables helps) – but they were tight, played with fantastic energy etc.

After the show, well the musicians were breaking down their rigs. I felt bad for the dummer and the keyboard player, definitely had more to do than the bass player/singer. Well after the show I go chit chat with the band, cause I saw them there. I mentioned I saw them at the Arena tour also, the laughed and said that was a fun tour. After talking the seemed incredibly happy to still be playing live, thought the crowd was fantastic and I seemed to be in shock. To me, they were playing arenas one minute, a club of 1500 next.

That night I came to the realization. The tractor trailer, giant tour busses, entourage, the stage setup etc. all of that really was not for them. It was for the popularity of the band, it was for the place and time they were in. They were most likely bar musicians before this, and now playing just bigger bars. But in the end, they are just regular people. And they understood this. They love fans, playing for 15,000 or 150. They didn’t care. So I learned that respect you, perks you get may not be for you, it may be for the position you hold. At the end of the day treat everyone from the janitor thru the CEO the same, with respect.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.

It is a question I pondered a lot. I wonder why I took my current Company (2004 – leaving Merrill Lynch for Morgan Stanley) why I took my current Role (Head of Corporate Tax Technology) and why I work at all. I ask my question is the reward (compensation and non-compensation) the work I do. Simple answer if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be there, probably would have left long ago. But notice I put both types of rewards. But do you question why you work?

For me it has to go back to how I was brought up. I have mentioned time and time again, I am the definition of white privilege. I had two working parents, middle class in a town that was a bubble. And watching my parents work, I learned different things from both of them as they both looked at work differently and somewhat the same. I saw the notion of wanting to change the world, wanting to make a difference balanced with the need to provide for your family. And that often the cost of wanting to provide some advantages/or necessity seemed to be a stretch.

After my upbringing, then it came to the society I was brought up in. I was born in 1967 – so my teen years were mostly the 80s (The last great decade, the decade of me… how ever you want to put it) This was a time of prosperity. But in the town I was brought up in, and the era we lived the way I saw Darwinism was that it was money that drove the world around. That with money not only defined success, but also was the change agent, it is what made a difference. It was having the nice car, or donating to causes that needed it.

It is strange that Humans are the only animals that put faith in an abstract concept (money) and tie it to physical manifestation (dollars etc.) We also put arbitrary values on items, and change the cost depending on who is buying, where they are buying etc. If you can feed someone in Africa for $9 a month are we being overcharged for groceries in NJ? It is a humorous thought, but it is a part of the reality we live in.

But back to why I work.. When I first started working, it was because money seemed to be the driver of the world. And although I have written a blog about what do you want to be remembered for, and the charities I spend time/money on, I am talking about the teenage me. My parents instilled the notion of the value of a dollar, and would not buy me everything I wanted, and after I ran up some bills, I had to pay them. But I wanted certain things (nicer car stereo, new synth, computer stuff etc.) and went to work for them. This created my personal value, but I didn’t see it that way.

I never stopped working, but some of my thoughts why I did work started to change. I enjoyed going to concerts, working out at a gym etc. And all these things cost. But then came I wanted to be like my parents and support my family. I took some bigger risks in jobs, switching a few times eventually landing up at Merrill Lynch. I never knew what my true Value was, I just getting increase in Salary as I changed jobs and accepted the offer as is. I was slowly making enough in my head to afford the house/kids and the American dream.

While at Merill Lynch I discovered a few things. Though we work for a paycheck and it was allowing me to buy a condo, pay bills have extra etc. I didn’t find going to work wonderful for those reasons. I found it slowly was the people that I worked with that made the difference. And building a good team to work with was worth more than the compensation. Wanting to go to work, not for the paycheck, and not for whatever we were building, but with a team that could build anything. One day some genius manager decided our team was so good we should be split up and maybe other teams we join would be just as good.

I left soon after, to join a friend who was at another company. Again to go work with people that I wanted to be around. I have managed and run several teams at my current company. And each time I feel frustrated with the job, I focus on this lesson, build the right team and what can’t be done, is doable. I learned to surround myself with people who don’t say “It can’t be done” but people who say I will try. I lay out expectations for my team, and getting your code completed is not even in the top 5. The first one, enjoy your job and come in with a positive attitude. The second one ask for help, and give help when asked.

The best feedback I get is from people who used to work for me telling me how they take the ideas they learned from me and apply it to their current role. Which goes back to why I work. I work because I think I can help change people one person at. a time, to enjoy what they do, not cause what they do is great, but they work with a great set of people. A team they would spend time outside their job with, a team that would be there when anything goes wrong and help. I work where I work because the place gives me the ability to build the team. And when I switch roles, it is about making that new team enjoy working together. The side benefit is that I can support my family (and it is a great side.).

I keep thinking I should write a book on how I manage. Because the funny thing about jobs is they take the best people and make them managers. Just ask how many Stanley Cups Wayne Gretsky (the greatest player) won as a coach (zero.). But I’ll leave that for another time. Right now the take away is not about managing, but whatever role or job you are doing, is working with the best people you can find. The rest will fall into place. “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with” … Jim Rohn

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.

One of the best conversations I hear is all about section 230. Let start with what section 230 says

“No provider or user of an interactive computer service shall be treated as the publisher or speaker of any information provided by another information content provider” 

This of course was based on laws previously that absolved phone companies from crimes. For example, if I use the phone to call you, and plan a crime no one can sue Verizon saying that they are responsible as we could not plan the crime without the phones. Well obviously, Verizon (please note I don’t own the stock, and I am no way promoting or disparaging Verizon.). The goal was to protect public conversation. Basically if 230 does not exists people are afraid to host (not protected.). 230 allows moderation (without having to get rid of everything)

WIth 230 ISP (people who host/carry internet traffic) as well as web sites/applications are not responsible for the content. This allowed companies like reddit, facebook, instagram, youtube etc. to create a platform for creators or anyone who wants to author content now can get their word out. But this also allowed a blog like this to have comments without being worried what I would be responsible. If someone sued me I probably could not defend myself as the costs would be too high.

Before these platforms (and the internet) there were gatekeepers and editors who did the moderation, this is old media (newspapers ,radio and TV.). The platforms also created ways to get the content to a wider audience, and the platforms desire to draw audience used algorithms to direct its users to content they think is interesting. These algorithms are written by humans (so let us not pretend they are independent) and are done to create “engagement” which equates to more time on the platform which equals more profit. This is no more than news catering to their audience etc. all so be able to sell advertising.

There is some great discussions about whether these algorithms have created militants, terrorists, extremist etc. I listened to a podcast that argued both sides, and research about people who were moved to an extreme via “youtube” videos. That the recommendation engine was the root cause of their conversion. To me both sides have points, and I left not knowing which is right. But digging into these algorithms I find myself looking at what youtube recommends and often is has some basis of what i have watched (lots of concerts, some podcasts etc.). I can see that the recommendations if you search for one extreme view can lead you to others. But alas you have to start searching for it.

Mike Elgan on “this week in google” made comments that these algorithms ask as an amplifier. And that it is not the poster of content that really is at fault, but the algorithms that push it out. For example I can post an Anti-vax video (please not I am not Anti-vax) and the platform based on its algorithm can find people who might be sympathetic and this video may convince them. Note the users didn’t at the moment search Anti-vax, it showed up in their feed. So the algorithm is amplifying this incorrect statement and causing others see my point of view versus what is reality.

I can understand the argument, it make sense on the surface and could force platforms to write better algorithms, but it also maybe a problem. This gets to the notion of having curated content. Whereas the newspaper, tv and radio were the gatekeepers before, we saw the world as they wanted. Now it will be the world the way the algorithms (again written by humans) would be filtering what they think. Probably not the all inclusive answer, but could be part of the situation.

There is the notion that crowd sourcing should do this. Aka the masses basically filter it themselves and the cream will ride to the top, and the bad stuff will go to the abyss. This is also tough, it does allow things that mass media and others hid, its not like we were not racist before the internet, it was just less visible, but humans can game that system. Just look at times that people have an “internet vote.” One of the classics is when John Scott got voted into the NHL all star game. He then ended up being MVP in a feel good story, but it seemed more of a joke that he got in.

So funny humans game a known system (vote) and also try to game algorithms, so how do you fix the internet. Maybe the question should be how to we fix ourselves. It is not the internet nor the rules that are broken, but more how do we work on being better human beings. Our problems existed before the internet, the internet just bubbled it to the service. I am not saying we should become policing of others, nor should we act always in “cancel culture,” but more we should look at ourselves, and of course our kids and work to end the problems. Don’t teach hate, racism, learn to understand that science isn’t perfect (but listen to it,) chose to read items that don’t confirm our biases and learn empathy for people are not like you. Yes, this answer is not a law, it’s not a pill, it won’t happen overnight, but our problems didn’t happen over night and blaming anyone but ourselves won’t solve it. This blog has always been about getting better yourself, and this problem is one that follows that pattern. Altering 230 won’t make the evil we see disappear, it will just shift it..

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.

What is strange is during the 2020-early 2021 there is a lot of talk about reducing risk, the odds of getting covid etc. It brings me back to another question I was once asked a few years ago. My wife passed away in May of 2017, she was in great shape, worked out pretty much daily, ate healthy to a fault. Though the root cause was never determined, the best guess was she had an electrical heart issue. I was asked “do you think it is worthwhile eating healthy and exercising if you can just die over night.” I had to think about this…

The knee jerk reaction was no, why bother and all permutations of that. But after thinking I responded with “Maybe it was her exercising and eating habits that kept her alive longer than she would have if she didn’t.” Which lead to an interesting conversation, with uncertainty of how she passed its hard to answer what the correct answer is. But it got me into thinking about playing the percentages.

There are percentages like someone winning the 1 billion dollar lottery (Jan 22nd 2021 one person in Michigan did) and being so lucky vs. something like having the 1 car in 100 of a quality brand car that is defective. If you are really risk adverse you buy the highest rated car in quality, but there is a chance you get the lemon. Obviously you have less chance winning the lottery. But its playing the percentages, and getting lucky or unlucky is just that.

By eating healthy and exercising you are playing the percentages and doing your job to extend your life the best you can. By purchasing the best car, your are playing the percentages that you will not pay a lot for repairs. And all we can do is pay the percentages and do the best we can, sometimes the odds wont fall in our favor. And if you are willing to take the risk, it might work out. Look i know I lot of people with Range Rovers and Jeeps (the worst rated for repairs) and don’t have issues, but the percentages says there are people with toyota’s and honda’s with less chance of issues. The question is what risk are you willing to take.

There is a pitfall not to fall in. This is the “one bad experience of a random stranger”. This is when you are at a car lot, you found the car you picked out has the least TCO, and while at the lot there is a guy screaming that the car is a piece of crap, and storms out of the showroom. Well you take that one experience over the years of research and averages. I have fallen into this trap. I would be about to purchase something online after doing research, skim the reviews, and even though out of 5000 reviews there is like 5 bad reviews, I read one of the bad ones and don’t order it. I should know better, my brain though just outsmarts itself.

All I can say is understand your risk, know the percentages but do what you are comfortable with. There are times I bought something I liked even though it was not the most reliable etc. (my Dodge Durango) and was fine, sometimes I did get bitten (cheap iphone cables.) But I will choose to exercise, eat healthy (not super strict but good enough) and hopefully I will live as long time.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.

Yesterday met up with someone I mentor, and in the conversation found out that a goal they shot for had passed by. So instead of continuing to shoot for it they choose to go in another direction. The goal they wanted was not unreachable, was not gone but wasnt on the “right schedule.” Those who know me know I quote movies and TV shows mostly for humorous situations. This time quoting Cheers (yes cheers) where Robin Colcurt was talking to Sam as Sam was about to buy another bar not cheers. He asked “is this what our really want…” To which Sam replied “I don’t want to buy that crappy bar… I want to buy this crappy bar…” – Its funny as you watch people as the light bulb goes off…. Goals are a wonderful thing, you need to have one and shoot for it, some days you take a step forward a step backwards, even a step sideways… But wake up the next day and try to take the step forward. Its something then I had to repeat to Ariel last night.. You can redo yesterday, but you make tomorrow one step closer..

Please note I wrote this in 2014, but never posted it, it stayed in draft. But thought I would release it as there really is nothing I need to add to it..

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.

I have a management philosophy that has served me well. It really is the joining of some things I have been taught.

First is assessing the strengths and weaknesses of your report. This is not often hard to do, but you need to figure out shortly. Reach out to other member on the team, users, clients, others. But assess yourself. I cannot be more clear, sometimes people make an impression of a skill, and if it is bad, that assessment remains. In many cases also perception is reality, so make sure you observe (don’t take the easy way out.) Once you have your observations you can start to assemble what you need to do.

Second I chose the area where the person has freedom. In my field I strongly believe that developers, development leads etc. like to have freedom to create and do. There of course is the “walls” of your firm/division group. In technology the walls can be programming language, infrastructure, libraries, user interface destination etc. But knowing the walls, and allowing freedom to be creative within the walls is the key. This freedom is only in places they have earned, or shown competence that they can do. If someone is not good at something, don’t give them the freedom you will need to teach them.

The third is teaching. Often there are people who report to you, and they have a deficiency in one or more areas. As a manager your role is to get them to improve and make it into a strength. There are a few ways to do this, telling them and saying “go ahead” and make a plan. This can be useful, but what if one of the weaknesses is not a self starter, what if it is a skill that is not easy to find how to do. You also need to put the person in a situation where you or another person demonstrates that skill so they can watch you (or another in action) the meet and discuss how that skill worked. Next put that person in a situation where they need to demonstrate the skill while you (or someone else observes.). If needed intervene (if its going awry) or let it go, but then have a conversation of how it went. This micromanaging of on skill is useful to get that skill better.

As the employees skill improve they earn more freedom (hence the term earned freedom.) The goal is really for them to have full freedom to do their job. My opinion is that you cannot scale if you try to micromanage everyone and if you give everyone too many freedoms it will be more of a wild west scene. Success is when your employees understand their freedom and can be hand held thru their weaknesses. Funny in a discussion just the other day I even asked my boss for a coach in a specific area where I am seen as good at, but I think I can be better. But getting better is what is life and this blog is about.

Earned Freedom within the walls, this is how I manage. It has served me well for a long time, and I am sure I will change or alter it as I learn more.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them. 

As we approach the holidays I always wonder about the stories and myths we tell our kids. Being Jewish we create a holiday as kids would not feel bad about not having Christmas so we light candles for 8 days and give presents call it (Hanukkah – how ever you want to spell it. We tell the story about the miracle of the oil lasting for 8 days and that is why we celebrate for 8 nights and light 8 candles. My favorite story involves religion and Abe Lincoln (https://skyandtelescope.org/wp-content/uploads/LincolnandLeonids.pdf) Where Abe is woken up by an innkeeper saying the world is going to end. The innkeeper believes this as based on his religion he heard the stories that the end of the world starts with stars falling from the sky. Abe looks outside, sees the constellations he knows are there, knows its the 33 year Leonids meteor shower and goes back to bed. The world ending, the oil burning for 8 days we eventually learn the truth.

Are these flat out lies? What is the reason behind them? Why do we perpetuate them? And do these stories of fiction make us believe everything else we these group tell us. But this is not about religion but groups as it is not just religion that tell stories. Because groups do the same thing. Whether it is political, race, countries, schools, teams, cultural. There is this notion that we need to see ourselves not only as part of a group, but part of the group that is “better” than the other group. By being part of the better group we feel special.

Fans of teams repeat we are the best, and the other teams stink. This repetition goes on and on all season long. (Well unless you are a Jet fan, then other than one random year you could not say this.) Yet technically only one team can win a championship each year, the other 30 or so teams can’t be the best. Repeating we are the best over and over, the same way cults have people repeat things, the same way we see hypnosis is portrayed does not make it true. People will hate this comparison, but the Nazi’s did it that way, and other groups stated to claim superiority over another. And who wants to belong to the inferior group. Does anyone ever say to themselves, let us join the group that is not that good. No we want to be with the group that wins or perceived as being better. That notion of feeling special. Furthermore losing is one of the hardest things to accept, it is never because the other team was better that day, its is often do to some “other” reason. In sports the refs, luck etc. In the 2016 election Trump was “not their president” and we should abolish the electoral college in the 2020 election were “it was stolen” from the Trumpers. People have a difficult time accepting a loss.

I didn’t know it, but something a good friend told me in High School has stayed with me. I didn’t really have a “group.” I was not really associated with a set of people who I fit in with. Not due to lack of trying, I once bought some tennis teammates munchkins after they kidnapped me in their car, and probably did other things that were just plain stupid to belong. But nothing I did would stick, as that wasn’t the true me. The true me would always show up, and that was not to be part of a group but to myself.

Which is why now I struggle sometimes to feel special, or to be a part of something. I have friends, but I don’t have a group. I have great friends, and would not trade it for the world. But I don’t belong to a religious group (I have a personal belief that religion is the greatest thing man ever created) – Political group (the current 2 system doesn’t really fit any of my beliefs) – I really don’t see anything were I fall in line with the thinking of the group. By the way I voted third party since Ross Perot. Not being in a group gives me lots of time to think, as I don’t have to blindly believe the group think. I can question any statement from any group as being false, I don’t need to blindly believe anything.

But this gets my back to my original thought, groups lie. The driver is to make people feel special, and better than the person next to them. People like to feel special, like to feel this belonging, and these stories that are created if they strike a chord get people into the group. Not to say everything a group says is false, as much of what they do stay is true. Maybe this does not relate to fans of sport teams, as again there is only one best. How do we separate ourselves from these untruths? How do we suddenly learn about Santa, Hanukkah, or any. other story? When do we actually learn the lesson thru the story and tell the story as a fable. Tell it with the same verve and heart, but not to put another group down.

But I know that is not going to happen. The older I get the more I realize the human psychology is not what I thought about being herd (having to be with other people) but more that has to be with being better than someone, the notion of feeling special. And this feeling of being special is hard to do by yourself, it is in relation to someone else. I wish people could feel special just being themselves and not in relation to others, but it is not going to happen. We will continue to find groups that tell us if we join we are special, me I will hope I can not get sucked in (which isn’t easy to do) to feel special. If we are in a group, that we don’t fall in line with everything they say and question things. Whether political, religious, cultural etc. we need to find the truth, and learn from the stories, not believe the stories and ignore the truth.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site, to keep it add free and use wordpress, and try to spend any time on the usability on the site (I apologize for that)

Somewhere in my attic I have boxes and boxes of Men’s Fitness Magazine. I was an avid reader, I cannot remember how many of the workouts I have tried. Those not familiar with that particular magazine, it about what it says the fitness of Men, had some diet information, always a workout, an interview with some athlete and or actor and their diet and workout and other Men related information. After getting this magazine for year and years, one day I did not renew.

Now the renewal had nothing to do with the internet, nothing to do with the #metoo movement, nothing to do with the BLM movement other. In fact I stopped subscribing to it over 15 years ago. Those are recent things, and nothing to do with why I dropped it.

So, let get some background. I am not the tallest person in the world (5’7) and always had a self conscious about myself. As confident as I may seem now, but years being a short teen etc. does do wonders on the brain. As I got older and in college i found working out and needed a workout. Well I discovered Mens Health Magazine, I swear it came out just when I was looking for it (I think 1988) And started with the first workouts thinking I could look like the dewd on the cover. Sorry I don’t remember who he was, or the workout. But the idea of looking like the man on the cover was a 19 year olds dream.

Well I eventually subscribed and read it religiously. Followed many of the diets, and did the workouts of the month. It let me to take a Exercise and Fitness class in college. But alas years of exercising never got my chiseled like the guys on the cover. And to make it worse, the added a section of normal people who got theirselves in shape in a new section. This of course made the rest of us think there was something wrong with us who couldn’t do it.

I continued to get it and read it thru my 20s, getting married and having my twins. But somehow I ignored it was not working. But something clicked. How can 10+ years (12 issues a year) give you the “new workout” or “new diet” and each be the best. I always made fun of the new improved tide for giving me a bad one the previous year, why was I not doing the same thing. Why isn’t there “one perfect workout”.

Well about the same time workout DVDs came out, and in droves. Workouts had been on VHS, but some reason DVDs kicked it into gear. I got a hold of P90x and dang may world was changed. It was the most amazing workout/diet program and got me into fantastic shape. I was never going to be ripped, but I was definitely almost the best shape of my life. The internet was starting to also get a ton of information, and without a doubt it was loaded with it. But all this didn’t sour me.

What did sour me was my brain. It said to me what benefit are you getting from reading this. You aren’t going to look like the guy on the cover, the material in it for the last 10+ years was interesting and helped me gain insight to my health. But what it didn’t do was educate me enough. What i realized and each cover is the same (pattern)it has some fit guy, some catchy phrases like “get fit by summer” or “shred the winter pounds” etc. But all along I kinda had the answer. I knew it was simplifying my diet, not eating crap, and doing a workout I enjoy. One that would keep my going to my basement gym.

I had to abandon p90x as I didn’t have 1 hour plus a day when i took a job in the city, found other workouts that I like, I have gained weight/lost it for one reason or another. But what I realized was the little boy in me couldn’t seem to see the facts in front of my. My blind belief I could look like a fitness cover model killed overshadowed the facts. I wanted to be like them, wanted to be in the club, and the belief anyone could be there really wasn’t true. What is true is that we have to be the best self we can be, find the diet we can stick to, and a workout routine we look forward to doing. If its the crazy soup diet, the 8 min abs, Keto, Paleo, Peleton…. It honestly does not matter, if it works for you, and makes you feel good you will keep doing it. The results will be there.

Today I have a 1000sq foot gym in my basement after 15 years of building it. I use it almost daily, my kids also us it. I have a serious of workouts i like, I will never be ripped and I am fine with that. But I found my style, the workouts that keep me going downstairs to the gym, the workouts the keep me relatively healthy, and the workouts that don’t need me to look at a magazine cover and wonder why I don’t look like that. I enjoy food prepping and know when I need to drop weight i know what diet to follow. I create weekly workout memes to entertain myself. It is my routine, my plan.. I stopped subscribing to the magazine to follow someone else’s. And my advice to many people who ask me is often try different diets, different workouts, and find what works for you. As you are the key.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site, to keep it add free and use wordpress, and try to spend any time on the usability on the site (I apologize for that)