Category: Personal Growth (Page 7 of 7)

Your favorite baseball/football/hockey or whatever team has been losing for years. The local media says the team has a culture of losing and they need to change it. The locker room needs to bring in someone with winning pedigree to change it. This is something repeated time and time, like its a magic bullet that fixes the problem instantly. If it was that easy, wouldn’t ever team do it?

But what if you want to change the culture of a company. Just go recruit someone from a winning company and presto, your company is instantly successful. I hate to disappoint you, no, that does not work. If you have an example, well, most likely it is a result of survivor bias.

Culture exists on a team or a company for now the what they do, but how they do it. And the longer the “how” is tolerated or rewarded my more ingrained it is in the culture. A single outside voice, no matter how successful is not going turn the ship around.

So how do you change culture? Understand one key, culture exists is that there is “buy in” on the change. In fact it is like a cult, people buy in and then change to fit in. Of course if getting people to buy in, is that easy wouldn’t everyone do it?

If we are saying its a cult, why not look at how cults lure people in:

1. Cults know Humans are ‘pack animals.’ They want to a sense of belonging, a sense of community. Easily picking on people who feel lonely.
2. People also want a sense of purpose. Somehow from a young age we are told we have a destiny, we are here for a reason. Cults sell a purpose of a mission and make you a part of it.
3. They promise you some personal goal, growth, achievement. That by being part of this community you will find self-improvement and enlightenment.
4. They have charismatic leaders. People who can sell ice to eskimos (as they saying goes). People who are down, lonely see this charisma and are attracted to it.
5. They manipulate their disciples. The leaders know human weaknesses, and prey on emotions, mental states of people who if they had a better mindset would not normally be gullable.
6. There is a sense of urgency. This is a big sales tactic. Make someone feel they will miss out.
7. Show off “success” (survivor bias) Everyone here is having a great time, our lives are ‘better’ than yours.

Looking at the list, many of the same tactics are used in Sales. Thing of Amazon showing an item that says “3 Left” — An email saying “our semi-annual sale” which somehow seems to last 6 months at time. Any add showing how your life will be so much better if you just drank their light beer. So these tactics, are not just used for cults, but used in general to convince people to do something, vote some way.

So how do you apply this to change the culture of your team or business.

1. You do need someone who is charismatic. Actually you may need more than one. The larger the organization, the more people you will need to “sell the message”
2. Imply there is a sense of urgency. Is there a competitor that will over take your company, are people’s jobs are the line. There needs to be some idea that the change needs to be now.
3. Find the purpose. And it might be multiple. In larger organizations each different area needs different purposes. I have found this is a challenge, and often the purpose is to work with great people. The work, is secondary.
4. Instead of talking about change, talk about growth. Even the word “better” is difficult, as often people will get defensive about what they do now. But growing personally, and professionally is an easier sell.
5. Find a few people who already bought in, and parade them around as being part of this community. This needs to be people who are seen as leaders, viewed as successful. Build the desire to want to be part of that group. To not be the outsider.

I hold off on manipulation, deprivation etc. Anything done should be done in growth and positives. There are a few differences that I believe companies (and yes teams) needs to also drive.

1. Leaders must lead by example. Any change in culture needs examples, and those who are doing the talking must walk the walk. People can easily spot out those who talk, but do something out. This instantly kills the change.
2. Reward positive behavior. Companies reward the “what” gets done, and ignore the how. And often the how is this negative behavior. If reward is on the bad behavior, it will continue. Recognize people doing the right “how” — and reward them
3. Be patient and persistent. It is not going change overnight. Change may have to start with one smaller group, and show the success and use that as an example.
4. Provide training and development. Emails, or links to ‘videos’ are not going to do it. In person is preferred if possible.
5. Reinforce often. It should be the highlight over and over (repetition till its true)
6. Encourage participation and feedback.
7. Continuously evolve the culture. It will need to change…

This is not a guarantee of success. Culture change is very difficult but it is possible. So maybe trading for someone who is charismatic, and can push a sense of belonging, purpose could change the fortunes of a team.

Disclaimer 

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. 

I am at a NJ Devils game, wearing my team colors as always and sitting with my daughter on one side, but surrounded by fans. Most wearing Jersey’s, t-shirts etc. for the Devils and cheering every good play. The Devils light the lamp (hockey terminology for scoring) everyone screams, and starts giving high fives to the people they came with, then they start doing the same to anyone standing and cheering. A bond is immediately created as we are all rooting for the same team, and with that one thing in common for the 2+ hours the game is going we have new friends.

Another simple example of this, while out shopping for my daughter I notice people were dressed in NJ Devils gear. I asked if they were going to the game tonight, they were. We chatted for a it and then it was “go devils” and we both continued our shopping mission. Again, a simple one thing in common linked by what we were wearing. For those moments we never asked about anything other than our fandom.

But looking back at both incidents I wondered if people knew more about you in an instant would that instant bond work. For example If i was wearing a NJ Devils Jersey and a St Louis Ram hat would either situation be different. Most of the people in the NY/NJ area are fans of say the Giants or the Jets, would the person who sees that suddenly not think we are on the same page due to different “likes.” Say if I wore a political t-shirt instead? What if I wore a Qanon Hat with my Devils shirt. What if I wore a PETA hat with my Devils shirt? Would the person next to me at the game give me a high five? Would the person talk to me while I was shopping.

This thought piggy backs on studies that have been seeing how compassionate people are, or helping someone out. Basically if you thinking about your “football team” and saw someone hurt with another jersey you didn’t help, if you were thinking about the sport football in general, you did help. Aka if your mindset is on something in common you were more compassionate then if not. So what if the signals are mixed. Are you going to high five someone a few days after the election if your candidate lost? And why is it so polarizing, why do we think that we lose ourselves by being friends with someone who has opposing political views.

I wish I could do a study, but I can honestly believe that if I did, I would start a lot of fights. Some how we now believe that people who think differently politically then we do are now ripping at out souls. Worse than any sport rivalry, and worse than Hatfield and McCoys. And I was part of it. There was a time I felt that pressure, to not only push my ideas on others, but if they didn’t agree they were not worth my time.

I am not sure what change, I often think about it and wonder. The first memory of this “world is over” was when Regan won the presidency. Led by MTV and younger opinions that our world would be led into a Nuclear war. Looking back that didn’t happen, it was actually the reverse. Next when Obama was elected there was this push we would all end up in socialism. Strange, did we? Nope. That is not to say either president was perfect and all their policies were wonderful. It was the fear mongering that was worse. The notion that we were not being led by exceptional ideas, but by fear if the other guy won. I once told my dad, that when the vote went to balance the power with the president being democrat and the congress republican I thought Americans got it right. We somehow find ways to mitigate the risk of the far left or the far right from control.

But, now how do we manage to get the fanaticism that we are all humans, have many of the same problems and want the same future (safe, happy, filled with optimism, security) to high five each other as those goals are reached vs. the animosity of the process to get there. I know there is very little agreement on the what we do, and now the how is also questioned, but maybe we need to find ways to try some solutions in smaller areas and learn from failures. The same study that showed fandom leads to helping others that are in your group, that instead of seeing someone with an opposing Jersey the enemy, not a fan of the same football team you are, you see them as a fan of football. We may have many subdivides, but at we all wear one Jersey.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. 

“Shoes as a source of first impressions,” (2012), Gillath et al. – Is something that I heard for most of my life. In fact when I was younger (in the 70s-80s) kids noticed if you had the latest sneakers. When my daughter was growing up (she is 20 now – do your own math) there was this race to have some of the latest Jordans (yes she was into it) In fact now down at the Jersey Shore outlets there is a store that sells hard to find Jordans ad ridiculous prices. A friend knowing I am a hacking geek recently asked me could I write something so once he gets an alert that it could go to the nike site, buy the shoes faster than humans can click.

As a kid I guess I got into it, but somehow this pushed into adulthood. During my younger years I was told to be a success you need to first get a great pair of shoes, it was the first thing people notice. And in dating, there are articles that tell women to look at a persons shoes, and in their apartment if they use milk crates as shelves. All of these make me wonder, is there real research behind that? Or is it just some filtering that is all about money? Do you actually need to look rich and successful to be rich and successful.

Ok so maybe its a subset of “dress for the job you want…” which all sounds good until you show up at work dressed like Gene Simmons from KISS. Or maybe the people at footlocker want to all be referees? Ok, back to reality, the challenge with hearing these comments, is it sounds like success if it is not about a meritocracy but more about looking the right part.

I was fortunate I chose to be in IT – and well according to movies we all were overweight, dressed like slobs, and don’t know how to brush our own hair. Even working at a fortune 500 company – where when I started we had to dress up dress down Fridays kicked in. Then it kinda grew from there. Covid seemed to make it now so that WFH changed all dress code rules recently. But back to reality, the dress at some offices have gone a bit more casual over the years.

To me I started to wonder, maybe that rule is actually the opposite. Are people dressing up cause they are successful or want to be? Are they dressing up cause there is some deficiency or not as good as others. Will dressing up get them promoted vs the person who adds value for the company. Telling an impressionable 20 something year old at their first job is supposed to make them conform? It is strange that this is a piece of advice we give new employees vs. learn how to add value

So what does this have to do with shoes/sneakers. To me, after years of wrecking my ankles, what I need more than anything is a sneaker that is comfortable and has support (the right arch.). I found a brand, and fortunately they not only have outlet stores but also discount often online. In fact not only do I have a brand, I have ordered 3 pairs of the same sneaker for about 3 years now (when they start to completely wear out) . Lucky they have not been discontinued completely. They actually updated them, but I think it was just a new name and same sneaker. Now 3 pairs have cost me about $100. I have been doing this for 30 years. And honestly I don’t care they are not the latest, greatest thing. The support me, feel comfortable and my feet do not hurt at the end of the day. And at the price, once they wear out, i replace them quickly.

The question is have I ever been not promoted, rejected by some girl, or other wise lost success due to my choices, well I have no idea. And honestly I do not seem to worry about it at all. In fact maybe its the opposite, sometimes I see someone with overpriced shoes I start wondering what are they trying to hide. What deficiency are they making up for. So enjoy the most comfortable shoes you can wear, wear them with pride and add value, if you want to succeed and the company you work for is selecting the better dressed person, you are at the wrong place.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. 

My job is mostly to manage multiple teams and get them to perform above the sum of the parts. There are times I have succeeded and times I have said to myself “that didn’t work …. try something else.” Of course the search for the something else has me googling (or duckduckgo if thats you) to see what others did. Sometimes it entails me taking a course (like one this summer on Agile Coaching.). As part of the self training there was a video on why SNL was such a success. There was the notion that everyone had a say, and you had to speak up and be listened to.

But I started thinking, what does that actually mean? And is there something deeper to just being heard. Of course that same week for some dumb reason in my Youtube what to watch next was a VH1 Behind the music. I thought simply, wow I know that story (without watching it) that band fought a lot, but were so creative. Then I started thinking about a lot of bands, made me most of them have conflicts, and did that conflict add to their music creativity.

The Beatles, Eagles, Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac, Heart, Guns N’ Roses, Black Crowes, Motley Crue, Van Halen, Poison, The Police, Meatloaf/Jim Stienman, the Go-Gos, Beach Boys, Kinks, Everly Brothers, Journey, Styx, Kiss, Twisted Sister, Genesis, Asia, Aerosmith, Yes, Bon Jovi…. I think I could go on and on. Sorry if I am only naming bands in my era, but those are who I know. Yes I dating myself but did the conflict drive their creativity. In some cases the creativity was there and conflict came later (Beatles) and in other cases the creativity was with an outside writer and conflict came later (Bon Jovi.)

I dug into a few of the stories, and think the reader should also. But a list of examples of success with conflict doesn’t mean the finding conflict guarantees success. So often you wonder where does conflict come from. Conflict often comes from the diversity of thought. If two people disagree (diversity of thought) a few things can happen. Either they can resolve it, or it can escalate. So I start asking myself maybe its the diversity of thoughts that drive creativity.

When you start listening to bands talk about their song writing process a story goes something like this “So and So comes in with a rif, or a progression and then I follow up with something to add to it”. So two thoughts, possibly different but instead combined start the creative process. Now, of course when you watch a TV show about a band or an interview the musicians say these things, they are giving the positive spin on it. You have no idea if there was a fight, argument etc. and it sounds like the SNL theory on teams. If member of the bad get a say, the creativity blossoms.

Of course when the band spills into total conflict they collapse. On SNL they had Lorne Michaels who was the friendly dictator (to use open source terminology) who kept the team going. So this made me look at my role, or the role of management. If creativity comes from diverse thought and diverse thought needs to be managed not to turn into conflict is a team leaders role to obtain diversity and control conflict?

I learned from previous managers that the to success of a team was that a manager would need to get the obstacles out of your employees way so they are productive. There is two obstacles I now need to ensure that are out of my teams way, the first is to put my employees in a situation where everyone feels comfortable to speak up (diversity of thought) and lastly to prevent conflict of people willing to speak up. Another tool to add to my toolkit.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. 

I have written previously about my mom’s mom (Grandma Betty) and her theory about eating dessert first. So i should write about my Grandpa (Al.). He outlived her by years, but its a lesson we learned after he passed that was interesting.

Of course I can’t need to get right to the point of the story, if you were expecting a one sentence blog you have not been reading my stuff very long. But first some background, my grandparents both escaped Nazi Germany and made it to the US. They settled in the Weequahic area of Newark NJ. From my memory my grandparents opened a corner grocery store/deli. My grandfather could slice lox like no one else.

He invested his money in apartments and when he retired he was able to live off the rents. (Financial advice from my grandfather there) and moved to Union NJ. I grew up in Clark, not that far way, but going there on weekends for dinner the drive felt like it took forever. (The way there was better cause I was getting dessert see other post) But as you get older what I started learning – is that you need something to do.

I have written before that I believe everyone needs and outlet, but more than that we often have reasons to get up in the morning. These include stuff like work, activities, house work (doesn’t clean itself), errands, to-do list etc. But once goes away what do you do, for now my grandpa had the apartments (dealing with renters, the building etc.) and that kept him very busy. But at some point my parents had to take that over as he was getting too old.

Well to our surprise after he passed we needed to clean up his place, and found lots of the usual things. My cousin Guy took his tools (weighed a ton in the suitcase) and there were pictures, family things etc. We had moved him to a smaller place so we thought there would not be a surprise. Well look below:

Well yes we found some of these – S&H Green stamps, cause like everyone had those. But that was not the interesting ones.

What we found above is coupon bonds. Please note, this is an image from the internet, not the exact bonds that we found. We found all different ones, marked different dates etc. I started to wonder why, because by that time the 1990s they definitely were not the norm. In fact, most people saw them as a hassle, you need to go to the bank and give them a coupon, and get your money. Vs have that money just added to your investment account.

Well, that we the genius of my grandpa Al, he actually had so many of them he needed to go to the bank often. This is what kept him going, he had something to do, somewhere to go, people to see. I honestly can’t remember when I went to a bank, and do physical banking. Everything is online, or via teller. Something that added human interaction has become automated and cold. (But I guess that will be another blog post.).

What is going to be my coupon bonds when I get older, what is going to be the thing that gets me up in the morning, seeing the same faces and giving me human interaction. I never realized it, but pre-covid my parents (now semi-retired cause my daddy likes working) do things to keep them going. Between my dad gambling (though not big money,) going to see live music, going out to restaurants etc. They had the things that gave them a reason to get up.

Now I am not ready to retire, far from it. But I need to find the things that will do it, I guess I will let you know, but until then I will continue to learn from the wisdom of the elders.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. 

If you don’t know who Van Halen is (yeah I am sure there are some millennials going who the hell are they.. They may be the rock band that single handedly killed disco. And if you don’t know what disco is.. just stop reading right now. Van Halen’s debut album was release on Feb 10th 1978, and instantly in the middle of Saturday Night Fever the music world would never be the same. Rock was back, and what brought it back was a guitar Virtuoso named Eddie Van Halen. The songs were hard enough to bring out the rock enthusiasts, pop enough to be on the radio (no 21 minute Yes songs) and blew everyone away with their musicianship that was missing for a few year.

As the years went by Van Halen climbed the music ladder to be one of the best selling bands and performers. And on January 9th, 1984 with the release of the album titled “1984” the help of a MTV (when they played music) they were on top of the world. The band was known for crazy antics, lots of drugs and MTV was more the willing to let the world know what they were up to. Kurt Loder reported that backstage the band didn’t want any brown M&Ms in their bowl. People were laughing at the absurdity of it and how privileged they were. As a teen it was “in” to make fun of it, and also envious that they were so big that such a request could be made, and followed.

As you get older you actually understand why they did this, and the lesson learned by the genius behind the request. They wrote a long involved contract with over 150 different requests, some like food, some for safety, some for comfort etc. and buried in the list was one line about M&Ms with the Warning (in caps) No Brown M&Ms. Well for the band to know if the promoter/venue read and the contract they could just check the M&M bowl and they know all the other requests were followed. No need to check all of the items. If there were brown M&Ms, then they wonder what else did they not do. Amazingly simple way to check of someone read the contract and did what they asked.

What should we learn from this and how to apply it in life. In my early days of IT there were documents that were called Business Requirements Documents (BRDs) and they were often incredibly long. Large teams would have to read them and review to make sure they were accurate as often they took months/years to write and cost companies a lot to do. Well how do you know if someone read them, you sneak in a clause like “This document is copyrighted by the NFL for the private use of our audience. Any other use of the document or any of its pictures, descriptions, or accounts of this project without the NFL’s consent is prohibited.” Thus it was easy to figure out who read and didn’t read the document.

But now in the age of Agile how do you do it? (or in other things that are not long documents)

• Hide a crazy User Story in the backlog – if the business really reviewed them and prioritized them they would get a good laugh.
• Put acceptance criteria that does not make sense so your developer has read it
• Make sure everyone in the room gets to speak. (Google about SNL and successful teams)
• Send out the agenda with an easter egg in it (something to get a good laugh)
• Get the idea? Be Creative….

Once people know things things are in there, they are listened to etc. it become a search for them to see who finds it first. Don’t make it so often that it becomes the only thing people look and care about, but enough to make sure people are doing their job. It is much better than having to sit behind people and watch them read documents one at a time.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. 

This is a question that comes up a bunch of times… I personally have used it in a team setting as one of those Ice Breaker questions, or team building scenarios. And I get some great answers “Don’t sweat the small stuff” “Challenge yourself more” “Take more risks” “Ask that person out” “Don’t be afraid” etc. But I started thinking about how I answered a simple question and why the question was even to someone so young.

That question is “What do you want to be when you grow up?” At a young age you do not have enough experience, seen enough of the world to have a clue. You hear common answers from kids Fireman, Police, Doctor, Athlete or some answer what their parents do. But why are we so focused on making a child answer such a question without knowing what the world has to offer. A child should be curious, should be asking questions, should be a sponge to absorb information. Making them pick a direction seems counterproductive. So asking them to figure it out now, you possibly limit them and don’t invoke their true imagination.

And why do we need a child to define his or her life by an occupation? Wouldn’t it be better if a child responded that he or she wants to be a philanthropist when they grow up. Just thinking my occupation does not define who I am, it is just something I do. I have written before about what I carry in my wallet, a small note that says “My name is Larry Gold, and I make a living being myself” – And what defines me should be the following

• How Well I Treat others
• What I give back to this world
• The strength of my character
• The values I keep
• The desire to constantly get better

So what I would tell myself when ever asked “What do you want to be when I grow up?” – The answer should be “A good person who is happy and has left this place better than I found it” – My occupation “Make a living being myself”

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. 

On a Friday in May of 2022 a buddy of mine asked me to join him on a Pizza tour. First a Pizza tour is basically hitting a bunch of pizzerias in the same night, in our case we hit 8 places in 3 hours ordering 9 pies (4 people.) We chose the places based on ratings from a website/facebook groups etc. While what I should have learned is not to consume 2800 calories of pizza and 2 diet Snapple’s in one night, what I did learn was something different.

At the last stop Nola’s in Garwood NJ (which by the way had the best Pizza) we had a nice chat with the owner. Now Marc, the owner, asked a few questions, and with these simple questions he made our night. How did he do this, what did he ask, and why did it make our night?

He simply asked us what other pizzerias did we go to, and what we ordered. Immediately after we responded he asked his guys to put our pie back in for a few minutes, and topped it off himself with fresh parm. Let me tell you, the crust, the sauce the cheese, this pie was amazing. But that is not what made out night, it is what he told use while our food was cooking more.

He started to list other Pizzerias, and telling us the owners name, or who to ask for. He followed up with the line ’tell them Marc sent you..” Now why is this important, and what did he surmise from his questions. From asking questions, he understood what we were looking for simply put, what type of pizza meets our fancy. He took the time to hear we were on this quest, and gave use some key info. The Pizza business (well the high quality one) is a small community, and he knew the key people. He knew which place we would like, and also who to ask for to make sure we got good treatment. He really assured we would be back, not just for the food, but to support someone who takes care of his customers.

The question is can you find the right questions to ask the next time you meet someone to make a connection, to earn business, to gain trust, to get the job… If you take some time to think, ask, listen then respond with what you learned. Marc new how to do this simply, and more important he knew how to make the connection after asking. This is a lesson that I knew but lost along the way.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. 

I have heard for the longest time when finding a partner/spouse etc, the key is trust. You must trust them, or the relationship will fall apart. You can look inside your own relationships and understand whether or not trust was the reason it is still together or fell apart. There is this notion also of trust for you manager/company you are working for. If your boss no longer trusts you, they are checking everything you do and this in turn makes you feel like a child. If you don’t trust them, you probably are not putting in your best effort. It is amazing that that one concept covers so much.

But what I just made a connection is that there is a key relationship that is failing us all due to lack of trust. Our relationship with our government/leaders. And they are not doing anything to gain in back, in fact what is worse they are blaming the symptoms and not the cause. It is like when someone is sick and giving them cough syrup, not realizing they are choking on something. Funny when you try to fix the symptom now, you seem to actually anger the people you are trying to protect more. You give them the notion that you trying to silence them.

What is strange is that in work I have been taught (by very good leaders and managers) to answer “I don’t know.” It is better to answer that than to make up some lie. Or at least say “let me get you the right answer.” Seems like very different when it comes to some in government, they are making choices of “what they want us to hear” or “what will calm the masses” or even in some cases what will “rile up the masses” versus saying “I don’t know.”

In some cases it is calculated answer and it other cases it just is plain stupid. I am not going to pick out any specifics, those you can google. The problem is we don’t know when someone is doing it, and for what reason. For someone to say “I don’t know” makes them seem like not a leader.

But the outcome now is the lack of trust. And when this trust is missing people can find and make up their own truth. Or in many cases not believe what they are being told. Winning trust back is almost impossible (depending on how bad the loss is) Take someone cheating on you, how quickly would you trust them? It is not lock each government official can go to one and one therapy with everyone they broke trust with. So their answer is not to fix the cause, but put a band aid on the symptom.

We cannot look at Facebook or Twitter and say they are the cause of the problem without understanding what led to it. Misinformation existed from the time we started communicating, and with each new form of communication there was always push back that it will lead to problems. Jeff Jarvis on This Week in Google states this 100x over. From the Gutenberg press to radio, to TV, we are told that the medium of communication is the problem. Well whatever replaces Facebook and Twitter you are next to blame.

I don’t know what will fix trust but not addressing it is not going to solve the problem.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. 

I learned is that not everyone reacts the same way to adversity, uncertainty and challenges. But it is building the key relationships that will be with you doing the good times that gets you thru the bad times.

I know in writing the summary should be at the bottom, but I think if you just read the top statement, you start thinking. I was asked a question by a senior management if my team is productive working remote during covid. My response was to ask a question “define productive?” Of course this made him think, as well as myself think. I remembered when we first were told we were going to be 100% remote in early March, and somewhere around early April I was confident my team was working as we did pre-pandemic.

Well how did we go from productive to worry to back being productive so quickly. So I took a step back and thought about it. I have built this team over the past 5 years. I selected people who I thought had different skills, knowledge and experiences. One key item was could they work with our team. Are they willing to be part of something. I then spend the time making them fell they are a part of something. I may have experts in one technology or the other (I once asked one of them who they go to for help with Java…. he couldn’t answer) – but what I want is a group that will help the team, and get a great feeling that they helped another.

Once a year (usually in January) I lay out my expectations with the team. I do this with new hires also. The first expectation, is that I expect you to have fun and enjoy your job. Usually that gets a strange reaction. But it is first and foremost. Second that you should ask for help when needed, and more importantly help others when asked. I never thought at the granular level what this really meant. But from years of working in different organizations the teams I worked on that succeeded had this notion of helping.

What I missed in that having that culture of assisting others is that team members would build relationships. These relationships are easily built when times were good, when the day to day work was there. Yes there was pressure, and occasionally some stress, but most days it was working together to complete projects. Over the years as we added team members they go the same introduction and built these key friendships on the team. We all learned trust, respect and understanding.

When Covid hit, and we were now forced into crisis mode guess what happened? The relationships that were built during the good times well were leveraged during the crisis. The ability for people to work and help each other out was just there. There was no need to try to create a new culture. What we needed to do was find better tools, and the understanding of how to use them. Within about a month of the crisis, after the first initial shock, the team went back to running the same velocity it had pre-pandemic.

Yes, we had already moved to Agile so that some things were easy. Two week sprints, sizing, backlog grooming etc. (For those who don’t work in Agile done worry about that). But the key part of Agile is also constant communication. Normally it was supposed to be face to face, but once the team recognized which tools to use and when. The relationships took over, and the team was back to “norming.”

So the answer to my MD should have not been define productive, it should have been that it was the time we spent together building the relationships as a team made the transition during the pandemic back to normal very easy. I don’t know if those relationships are made during the pandemic work the same, does video suffice for face to face, can texting/messaging grow the same bond as in person. But I do know, if it wasn’t for the building blocks done before the crisis, we would not be as successful as we were during it.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.