Category: Uncategorized (Page 6 of 11)

As we approach the holidays I always wonder about the stories and myths we tell our kids. Being Jewish we create a holiday as kids would not feel bad about not having Christmas so we light candles for 8 days and give presents call it (Hanukkah – how ever you want to spell it. We tell the story about the miracle of the oil lasting for 8 days and that is why we celebrate for 8 nights and light 8 candles. My favorite story involves religion and Abe Lincoln (https://skyandtelescope.org/wp-content/uploads/LincolnandLeonids.pdf) Where Abe is woken up by an innkeeper saying the world is going to end. The innkeeper believes this as based on his religion he heard the stories that the end of the world starts with stars falling from the sky. Abe looks outside, sees the constellations he knows are there, knows its the 33 year Leonids meteor shower and goes back to bed. The world ending, the oil burning for 8 days we eventually learn the truth.

Are these flat out lies? What is the reason behind them? Why do we perpetuate them? And do these stories of fiction make us believe everything else we these group tell us. But this is not about religion but groups as it is not just religion that tell stories. Because groups do the same thing. Whether it is political, race, countries, schools, teams, cultural. There is this notion that we need to see ourselves not only as part of a group, but part of the group that is “better” than the other group. By being part of the better group we feel special.

Fans of teams repeat we are the best, and the other teams stink. This repetition goes on and on all season long. (Well unless you are a Jet fan, then other than one random year you could not say this.) Yet technically only one team can win a championship each year, the other 30 or so teams can’t be the best. Repeating we are the best over and over, the same way cults have people repeat things, the same way we see hypnosis is portrayed does not make it true. People will hate this comparison, but the Nazi’s did it that way, and other groups stated to claim superiority over another. And who wants to belong to the inferior group. Does anyone ever say to themselves, let us join the group that is not that good. No we want to be with the group that wins or perceived as being better. That notion of feeling special. Furthermore losing is one of the hardest things to accept, it is never because the other team was better that day, its is often do to some “other” reason. In sports the refs, luck etc. In the 2016 election Trump was “not their president” and we should abolish the electoral college in the 2020 election were “it was stolen” from the Trumpers. People have a difficult time accepting a loss.

I didn’t know it, but something a good friend told me in High School has stayed with me. I didn’t really have a “group.” I was not really associated with a set of people who I fit in with. Not due to lack of trying, I once bought some tennis teammates munchkins after they kidnapped me in their car, and probably did other things that were just plain stupid to belong. But nothing I did would stick, as that wasn’t the true me. The true me would always show up, and that was not to be part of a group but to myself.

Which is why now I struggle sometimes to feel special, or to be a part of something. I have friends, but I don’t have a group. I have great friends, and would not trade it for the world. But I don’t belong to a religious group (I have a personal belief that religion is the greatest thing man ever created) – Political group (the current 2 system doesn’t really fit any of my beliefs) – I really don’t see anything were I fall in line with the thinking of the group. By the way I voted third party since Ross Perot. Not being in a group gives me lots of time to think, as I don’t have to blindly believe the group think. I can question any statement from any group as being false, I don’t need to blindly believe anything.

But this gets my back to my original thought, groups lie. The driver is to make people feel special, and better than the person next to them. People like to feel special, like to feel this belonging, and these stories that are created if they strike a chord get people into the group. Not to say everything a group says is false, as much of what they do stay is true. Maybe this does not relate to fans of sport teams, as again there is only one best. How do we separate ourselves from these untruths? How do we suddenly learn about Santa, Hanukkah, or any. other story? When do we actually learn the lesson thru the story and tell the story as a fable. Tell it with the same verve and heart, but not to put another group down.

But I know that is not going to happen. The older I get the more I realize the human psychology is not what I thought about being herd (having to be with other people) but more that has to be with being better than someone, the notion of feeling special. And this feeling of being special is hard to do by yourself, it is in relation to someone else. I wish people could feel special just being themselves and not in relation to others, but it is not going to happen. We will continue to find groups that tell us if we join we are special, me I will hope I can not get sucked in (which isn’t easy to do) to feel special. If we are in a group, that we don’t fall in line with everything they say and question things. Whether political, religious, cultural etc. we need to find the truth, and learn from the stories, not believe the stories and ignore the truth.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site, to keep it add free and use wordpress, and try to spend any time on the usability on the site (I apologize for that)

Somewhere in my attic I have boxes and boxes of Men’s Fitness Magazine. I was an avid reader, I cannot remember how many of the workouts I have tried. Those not familiar with that particular magazine, it about what it says the fitness of Men, had some diet information, always a workout, an interview with some athlete and or actor and their diet and workout and other Men related information. After getting this magazine for year and years, one day I did not renew.

Now the renewal had nothing to do with the internet, nothing to do with the #metoo movement, nothing to do with the BLM movement other. In fact I stopped subscribing to it over 15 years ago. Those are recent things, and nothing to do with why I dropped it.

So, let get some background. I am not the tallest person in the world (5’7) and always had a self conscious about myself. As confident as I may seem now, but years being a short teen etc. does do wonders on the brain. As I got older and in college i found working out and needed a workout. Well I discovered Mens Health Magazine, I swear it came out just when I was looking for it (I think 1988) And started with the first workouts thinking I could look like the dewd on the cover. Sorry I don’t remember who he was, or the workout. But the idea of looking like the man on the cover was a 19 year olds dream.

Well I eventually subscribed and read it religiously. Followed many of the diets, and did the workouts of the month. It let me to take a Exercise and Fitness class in college. But alas years of exercising never got my chiseled like the guys on the cover. And to make it worse, the added a section of normal people who got theirselves in shape in a new section. This of course made the rest of us think there was something wrong with us who couldn’t do it.

I continued to get it and read it thru my 20s, getting married and having my twins. But somehow I ignored it was not working. But something clicked. How can 10+ years (12 issues a year) give you the “new workout” or “new diet” and each be the best. I always made fun of the new improved tide for giving me a bad one the previous year, why was I not doing the same thing. Why isn’t there “one perfect workout”.

Well about the same time workout DVDs came out, and in droves. Workouts had been on VHS, but some reason DVDs kicked it into gear. I got a hold of P90x and dang may world was changed. It was the most amazing workout/diet program and got me into fantastic shape. I was never going to be ripped, but I was definitely almost the best shape of my life. The internet was starting to also get a ton of information, and without a doubt it was loaded with it. But all this didn’t sour me.

What did sour me was my brain. It said to me what benefit are you getting from reading this. You aren’t going to look like the guy on the cover, the material in it for the last 10+ years was interesting and helped me gain insight to my health. But what it didn’t do was educate me enough. What i realized and each cover is the same (pattern)it has some fit guy, some catchy phrases like “get fit by summer” or “shred the winter pounds” etc. But all along I kinda had the answer. I knew it was simplifying my diet, not eating crap, and doing a workout I enjoy. One that would keep my going to my basement gym.

I had to abandon p90x as I didn’t have 1 hour plus a day when i took a job in the city, found other workouts that I like, I have gained weight/lost it for one reason or another. But what I realized was the little boy in me couldn’t seem to see the facts in front of my. My blind belief I could look like a fitness cover model killed overshadowed the facts. I wanted to be like them, wanted to be in the club, and the belief anyone could be there really wasn’t true. What is true is that we have to be the best self we can be, find the diet we can stick to, and a workout routine we look forward to doing. If its the crazy soup diet, the 8 min abs, Keto, Paleo, Peleton…. It honestly does not matter, if it works for you, and makes you feel good you will keep doing it. The results will be there.

Today I have a 1000sq foot gym in my basement after 15 years of building it. I use it almost daily, my kids also us it. I have a serious of workouts i like, I will never be ripped and I am fine with that. But I found my style, the workouts that keep me going downstairs to the gym, the workouts the keep me relatively healthy, and the workouts that don’t need me to look at a magazine cover and wonder why I don’t look like that. I enjoy food prepping and know when I need to drop weight i know what diet to follow. I create weekly workout memes to entertain myself. It is my routine, my plan.. I stopped subscribing to the magazine to follow someone else’s. And my advice to many people who ask me is often try different diets, different workouts, and find what works for you. As you are the key.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site, to keep it add free and use wordpress, and try to spend any time on the usability on the site (I apologize for that)

Over the years I have watched Art and Music programs leave the school. I have donated to some of the programs that are trying to bring it back, but I know people have discussed why do kids need art and music (and sometimes sports.). I didn’t really have an answer, often I got just random answers on it. The usual arts helps with math, reading, cognitive ability etc. But I wondered if there isn’t something more.

During covid I turned to playing the guitar more, playing the keyboard some (have not in a long time) and doing some creative writing (people have seen my memes.). All of these things have helped me cope with covid, and then I realized its not just covid its helping me cope with but life in general. That my creativity is something I have used over and over to deal with things that have happened to me, including the death of my wife.

So I started googling around about having a creative outlet, and the benefits. And get this, they seem to be the same benefits for kids in school. Better at math, reading, cognitive ability and adds few new ones. Stress relief, become happier and more engaged, you find new ways to do things, find a way to get into the zone and possibly more (credit here – https://www.lifehack.org/272798/22-reasons-people-with-creative-outlets-are-more-likely-successful and a few others)

So what counts as a hobby or a creative outlet. First it needs to be fun for you. It is something that you want to do, that bring joy. Something when you start it that you prefer it not to be over or bound by time. You stop, well when you want to (in most cases.). Yes i know most people have lives, responsibilities, jobs, kids etc. Believe me I am a single father of twin teen girls, one who was an athlete. My commute was 1.5 hrs each way, and had to travel for sports. If I could make time to write, play guitar etc. you can make some time also.

Second technically you shouldn’t get paid for it. Look, I like millions of others have been told that you should do what you love and you will never work a day in your life. But often that is not possible. I did write previously about failing about what you don’t love (https://www.lrau.com/wp/2019/06/01/you-can-fail-at-something-you-dont-like/) also, but I do know most people are not in the situation where they are in the perfect job. Also if you are already say a painter or a musician for a living, there is pressure on you to produce. I have written about an artist friend of mine and the work you don’t see (find that one yourself.) Well you will need a different creative outlet so there is no pressure. When there is no pressure, no stress you can be free to express yourself very differently.

Although there are many definitions of genius (IQ etc.) the one thing I truly believe that being able to relate two completely unrelated items to solve a problem is the one a gravitate to. And having a creative outlet allows you to solve problems in a different space and opens your eyes to solving problems in your real job. Einstein kept his workspace a mess, as he believed he had no idea where inspiration would come from. He wanted to see as much as possible to find a relation to what he is thinking. This ability to relate is what I hope my hobbies will help me with.

So we do need art/music and enjoying things in school, not just for the kids to be better students, but as adults they can find a creative outlet and be better at what they choose to do as a profession. It makes better people. The argument against it is that kids need to finish work to be better prepared, well art helps them be prepared to do their job better. And we as adults need to find creative outlets, could be anything just keep it fun, and have no benefit. Yes I do post my creative writing on here, but I don’t have deadlines, I do not charge for it and the only benefit I get is the ability to express myself.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site, to keep it add free and use wordpress, and try to spend any time on the usability on the site (I apologize for that)

For those of you who know me know that I have a dog. Love my Belle – Yuki – Bubbles (and dozen of other names we call her) and I seem to treat her health better than my own. In the 3 years we had her we have taken her to Vet for her yearly checkup. I don’t really remember doing yearly checkups 3 years in a row for myself. And one question the Vet asked was what am I feeding my dog, funny I don’t remember when my doctor ever asked me that question.

I started thinking, I take my dog to the Vet regularly have conversations on what I feed her, but why don’t I do that to myself. Why doesn’t every one put their health first. Now I do spend money on my health, I have a basement gym that I have been building for years that I do spent time in. I eat healthy when i want to lose weight, and eat sorta healthy the rest of the time. But I don’t focus on my health as much as people who know me think I do. I cheat a bit, love my buffalo wings etc. (Chegg etc.). and I do meal prep for the week so 80% of my meals are good. When I want to lose weight, or feel unhealthy I do crank it up and eat healthier.

I have spoken about my grandmother and her eating dessert first. My Grandfather was different, he had diabetes. But I never saw him prick his finger for a test, never saw him take an insulin shot. The reason, he never did it. He controlled his diabetes with his diet. He was the most strict person I saw on controlling what he ate. Being so anal about it, he did not need to take anything. When i was younger my parents told me, but i really did not process it until later. And thinking about it now, why don’t we think of diet to prevent disease vs. having to deal with it after it is crazy. I didn’t coin the term but I will repeat it here, we don’t have health care, we have sick care. People see doctors only when they are sick.

Every time i think about it I realize the answer is, well its hard. My grandfather needed extreme dedication and determination to do what he did. I know when I diet I have to focus, I have to plan, I have to really work at it if I want to lose weight. People I know tell me I make it look easy when I diet. I often talk to them in a way that makes it sound that way. But it isn’t, it takes work, focus, strength, and desire.

I can understand when there is a fad, sale for a quick weight loss, or some new magic 10 min workout people jump on it. We also only go to doctors when we are sick (a majority of us, yes there are some people who do) – So our health care system, and our values of health are based on when there is something wrong. I wonder how many people would have less health issue if we focused on being healthy instead of being selfish.

One thing I learned was that when we are born our taste buds are geared towards calories, hence we like sweets. Our brains and our bodies need calories so we want to get as much as we can. The problem is we don’t lose that sweet tooth too easily. I could blame fast food, stores etc. But the problem is with us, we have to make the right choices. More importantly, I have to make the right choices. I can argue that eating healthy is expensive, hard to do, etc. All which is true…

But that does not change the fact that I don’t see my doctor regularly, don’t tell him what I eat, don’t focus on my diet myself and set an example for not just my kids but others. And treat our health system like a health care not sick care. All of this based on seeing my grandfather fight a tough disease all by working on his diet. So I guess I need to pick a day and go to the Dr, get my blood work understand my current health situation and start working on my health using health care. And hopefully only see my Dr to check on my status vs. when I get sick.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site, to keep it add free and use wordpress, and try to spend any time on the usability on the site (I apologize for that)

In a court an eyewitness testimony is taken as truth for a murder case, but if a guy says he saw an alien we think he is crazy…. Why do we take one eyewitness as truth and another as not ?

This is something that I think about as in science you need to prove something exists and make sure it is repeatable. Often though experiments are not duplicated independently. A murder trial cannot be duplicated, aka no one is making that scene again. We don’t believe in aliens, but a murder is plausible enough so we accept eyewitnesses.

Sometimes I just don’t have anything else to write after the statement. Above is simple statement, but it is something we should question both and find truth.

I would put a disclaimer here, but chose not to.

Over the past 6 months during the Covid crisis something has come clear, I have no idea what freedom means. I have heard a story and will combine them to hide identities. But the all go something like this….

I was at a store when I saw an old lady yelling at another lady who did not wear a mask into a store. She was yelling that she has a pre-existing condition and that by not wearing a mask she is endangering her. The non-mask wearer then argues that she should not be out, that there are alternatives to getting her shopping done, if she has pre-existing condition she should not be out.

I have heard multiple variations of the story, from who starts it, to male/female etc. And each time i hear a version i put myself in both shoes. Wondering who is in the right, and honestly I am confused. I have elderly parents with pre-existing conditions, and they try not go out that much, or put themselves in any danger. I have a neighbor who does the same, they order from peapod etc. and limit going out and putting themselves at risk.

I have friends who don’t believe in masks, but wear them anyway and are no way aggressive towards anyone. They are treating others with respect. But still i constantly hear from one side or the other, someone has to be wrong in the situation. But I am think what is the legal rights in this situation, vs the right of the individual. Both individuals have rights, and they are upset their rights are being violated. Both should know better – and not put the other in this situation. And I can empathize with both.

Some stores do make it easy by mandating masks in their stores, but at that point it should only be store employees enforcing the mandate. One store I went to had a guard out front ensuring compliance. Of course when you go into the store you can wear the mask on your chin etc. Stores are asking people who in some cases make minimum wage to enforce this policy. They don’t even allow the the chase thieves, what is the difference.

Maybe I wish that people showed more respect to each other, and don’t think they are now in charge of enforcing executive orders, or in charge of directing what is best for someone. Maybe when covid is gone people will find compassion again to be helpful. I am in no means saying this is an hourly occurrence, but its happening once too often. I will continue to think about it.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site, to keep it add free and use wordpress, and try to spend any time on the usability on the site (I apologize for that)

I guess it seemed like a good time to post it, been keeping it since late Feb when it appeared that Corona was going to be big, and yes it was. Bigger than I ever though and definitely more deadly. I posted it with spelling, grammatical errors etc. It is un-edited just my words, sometimes a new flash, sometimes what I am thinking etc. I probably should not have put out in the public, but I just wanted to put it out there, as i know people may be feeling the same as I, afraid, courageous, hopeful, scared, wanting to help, helpless all at the same time.

I am debating if this weekend is the final update, as what is going on now needs something else, something a bit different than a daily journal. But we shall see…

There are situations in life where you don’t know what to say. I have been on both sides of this dilemma. When my wife passed away, I know some people could not talk to me about it, and I and I think everyone has been in the situation where you don’t know what to say to someone else.

What I can say, when it was me being the one who people were approaching you don’t need to say anything, being there was good enough. Whatever you say would be good enough. For other people, I don’t have what is best for them. The one thing that I have been asking is “How can I help…” This is often better than how you are doing? Everyone asks that, How can I help gets to an action as you know they can’t be doing great. This gives the person something that you can do to assist with the turn around.

If you are reading this no during May/June of 2020 you may not get why, but I would advise you to google it and see what is going on. As for how I helped, I gave money to organizations that can make this place a better world. Isn’t that our goal and life journey, to make this world a better place than it was when we got here.

My disclaimer -though there maybe better places to donate in this time.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site, to keep it add free and use wordpress, and try to spend any time on the usability on the site (I apologize for that)

Hearing a classic wise tale, I felt I would add it here. This old guy had a prized horse, and he was talking to his neighbor. The next day the prized horse ran away, and again the old guy was talking to the neighbor, and the neighbor said “Sorry for the loss of your horse…” the old guy replied “Who knows whether that is good or bad…” The neighbor was confused.

The next day, the horse came back and brought back with him 12 other horses. The neighbor shocked, said the the old guy “Congrats on being rich with horses…” The old guy replied “Who knows if this is good or bad.. but you seem to keep coming to conclusions so quickly” The neighbor again is confused.

The next day the old guys son was thrown from one of the horses and broke his leg. The neighbor learning of this came over and said to the old guy “Sorry about your son…” the old guy reiterated, “who knows if this is good or bad… why do you keep drawing conclusions..” The neighbor is really, really confused about this one.

The net day the Army came around took every able bodied young men, having a broken leg was spared from going. The story can go on and on, and the question is what do we learn from story. Maybe it is not to get too high, or get too low. Maybe for every great thing that happens, may not be that great, and for bad things that happen, may not be that bad. The lesson I see may not be the same for everyone.

I wrote previously about looking down when climbing up to celebrate how far you have gone. But if you were to believe this story above, you shouldn’t as do not get excited for the victories. But maybe the lesson is to look at it for what it is, and enjoy it now matter if seems good or bad, either way it is an experience that you managed to survive, and wait to see what comes next.

Or maybe the stories lesson is not to draw conclusions to anything too quickly. The final answer maybe a few days away, or even longer. That the success or failure maybe different a few days, months or years later. So be mindful on the things that happen, take them for what the moment is, and look later in retrospective and how it changes over time.

Its maybe a few weeks into the US blowing up (we have not hit the top of the curve) and I am sitting home doing my best to self quarantine and going a bit stir crazy. I like many people are trying to figure out these times, and with the uncertainty of it all I don’t have answers. As a parent my biggest fear is not having answers for my kids, and this one can’t be googled (or alexa’d or whatever)

But what I learned is what we fear the most, and this is the fear of unknowns and lack of control. This virus has hit us with both big time. At times like this many people need to do and say things so they can sleep at night. They need to believe that they are invulnerable and wont get it, or wont hit anyone they know. They need to pretend its just a bad cold. Not that the numbers don’t relate, you can find statistics that prove you point. The list of flu deaths (hell the deaths from car accidents and others will top this) So attacking asking why people are panicking allows those people to sleep at night.

Others need to hoard everything in side (Toilet paper, cleaning supplies, food etc.) as that is what they can control. They have no control of whether the can get the virus, whether or not they will survive it. What they can control is having enough things to eat then wipe you but when it comes out the other end. I guess that sounds reasonable.

But the thing that I see most of, is many people attacking politicians, scientists, people they know and people they don’t know. This is a response to fear and lack of control. I honestly don’t know what this virus will and can’t do, nor do I know how fast it will propagate. Inf fact there is a podcast of Virus experts (This week in Virology – http://www.microbe.tv/twiv/ ) and these guys know what they are talking about, and they don’t have the answers. Listening back to the first few weeks of the outbreak in China, they seem more inquisitive and wondering vs. giving out what was going to happen.

The attack about what to call it (China virus) to attacking the people who call it the China virus is amazing. I was always told the first thing you do when you are in a hole is to stop digging. It seems like by throwing mud at each other is to continue digging. Then again the information we get is definitely confusing. We are told to “self quarantine” then someone says maybe that is not the best idea putting carriers with some elder people. We closed schools, but going back in history closing schools does not prevent the spread of contagious diseases. ( https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2020/03/does-closing-schools-slow-spread-novel-coronavirus# ) Well pre-preemptive closing doesn’t work, reactive does. Which are we doing ?

What I hope to see, I see in pockets. Neighbors offering to get supplies and companies re-thinking what they do and working to build PPE’s. Bauer a hockey company is making masks for Doctors, so the next time I am thinking of getting hockey equipment my first choice will be Bauer. But unfortunately this is only in pockets, there are more people posting on Facebook links to everything and anything. But I guess again it is so they can sleep at night.

I have not slept well at night some nights. Yes I worry a lot about what is going on. but I more worry about my parents, and some other elderly people I know, and people who are on the front line, and wish I could do something more. My outlet is writing like this, playing guitar, working out, and often trying to make some humor of what is going on. I don’t want say so-and-so is doing a bad job (governor, president, mayor etc.) as what we are going thru is unprecedented. (Need to stop digging) Instead we need to think what we should be doing, could be doing to get thru this. It takes a toll mentally on a lot of people, sitting and waiting for it to end. I hope the estimates are not as bad as people present, and that we are outside social gathering sooner then later, but for now I will just do my best to stay at home. I will try to support some of my local restaurants as I will need them when this is over, and if I find something that I can do to help I will. But what I learned is that the fear of unknown and lack of control will always exist, it is what we do with the energy it surfaces that determines our character. What kind of person do you want to be?