Category: Uncategorized (Page 7 of 11)

A great line from the progressive rock band Yes, and something that I like to do. I was amazed how people only wanted people who were “like them” around them. This past week I saw an example and I thought great. But the internet went into a furry.

From what I saw Ellen’s fans where upset she was hanging with George Bush. Now, I didn’t see any Bush fans upset, but then again he is not a social media influencer, so i would expect that. This is where people on social media who could have used it as a lesson in how to be better, instead used it to be a negative. Props to Ellen who responded “Just because I don’t agree with someone on everything does not mean I’m not going to be friends with them. When I say be kind to one another, I don’t mean only the people that think the same as you do, I mean be kind to everyone.”

Why is it that people have to surround themselves by only people who are like themselves, who only share the same beliefs as themselves. Lets take a real out of this world example. Who still believes in Santa Claus? And if you don’t do you ever spend time with kids who still do, or did? You didn’t start a fight because they believed and you did not? Now you say but that isn’t important, well guess what it is a belief. One thing I have learned, it is almost impossible to change someones beliefs. But the other thing I learned, if someone treats you well, shows you respect, and personality wise you get along what does one belief difference mean?

I guess I should expect people to overreact, because well that is the internet and social media. To me this should be a lesson, not a game of shaming. One that we can be civil to each other and start to solve the tough problems together. Instead it because another online mess. I will use it as confirmation that I should continue to spend them with people who are different than me.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site, to keep it add free and use wordpress, and try to spend any time on the usability on the site (I apologize for that)

I have heard this saying often, so not sure who to credit the first, but I seem to be finding myself in the same situation. I have gotten older, and 2019 has flown by, yet some days seem to take forever. When I was a child, I couldn’t wait to get older. First I wanted my bar-mitzvah to come (turning of 13) then I wanted to drive at 17, then to vote (18) and then to drink legally 21. Seems like there were and endless set of milestones.

Now at 52, yes i am that old (in 2019) I don’t have predetermined goals. Maybe retirement, But that is not a set perfect age, and that is the only predetermined goal that is in front of me. Maybe its why the time feels the way it does. When you are impatient and waiting for something, the time seems to go slow. You can’t wait to get to the top of the mountain (don’t forget to look down) that each step seems to take forever. As well as now the goal isn’t there,or not really in sight seems the days go long.

I think each event in ones life seems to fly by, and sometimes to anticipation is what makes it drag on. Take for instance high school graduation. For days you can’t sleep waiting for that moment, talking to your classmates about it. Anticipating this momentous occasion. Alas it was just a walk, a short speech, getting handed a fake piece of paper and gone in a moment. What seem to be a 4 years wait, dozens of classes, countless homework and tests, and in a flash it was summarized in under an hour. Looking back I remember taking pictures with my friends (Larry Russo who is not with us anymore) and hugging and crying. I also remember it went so fast that it didn’t seem such and event.

But I should realize it was the journey, and not that celebration that was the fun time. And much of the time spent in high school was truly great times. Watching my kids now go thru it, I can see the same desire and anticipation to finish. I wish they would learn from my mistake and enjoy it more. I see that they do have some fun moments, but they need more. I know we have a little excuse, but their future is going to be full of adult challenges and there is only such a short time to be a kid. Maybe one of them will read this, and see what I see.

There are more goals ahead of them, falling in love for the first time, their first real job, their first paycheck, their first place of their own, getting married, maybe even having kids. And each journey they should enjoy. Right now I have the fortunate to know better, and I am on a new journey myself and trying to enjoy every day of it. I have no idea where it will lead, but I do know now not to worry about the destination.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site, to keep it add free and use wordpress, and try to spend any time on the usability on the site (I apologize for that)

One of the things my folks have told me is to follow my dreams. They often gave everything to have the doors to my dream open to me. It was my responsibility to walk thru that door. The other quote I always heard, do what you love, and the money will come. The challenge you always see, is what is a realistic dream. Someone who is 5’2″ most likely does not have a change in the NBA, someone who can’t skate like the wind can’t be a pro Hockey player, and someone who sings like Ethel Mermen can’t be the lead singer of Asia (ok Bumblefoot you get a pass)

But the only issue, is that if you don’t try to do something you love or dream, there is no guarantee you will succeed. If that happens where you will be, in a job or place that you really don’t like, failing. There is not success story that starts with, well this was my fall back plan. There are tons of stories where people were down to their last dime, their last chance, their last opportunity and somehow pulling themselves out of despair. People have always heard the stories of people like Jim Carey who wrote a check and put it in his father’s coffin, Ed O’Neill’s waiting on tables in NYC trying to get a break in acting, Harrison Ford was a carpenter till 31, and I know there is more.

But what is different than a pipe dream, something you love and something you can actually succeed at, and lastly for every success story there are most likely 1 million who didn’t. Though there are one million peoples who chose not to follow their dreams, and didn’t succeed either. The question you should be asking is not if it is a pipe dream, but what if I fail at the fallback what will happen. There is no guarantee the easy way out will succeed. I know it may sound like am rambling, but there isn’t a good way to discuss this.

I often wonder if I am a success, I have been told by other people how well I am doing, but till this day I don’t know. I also I don’t know if I followed my dreams, I did something I love. But I also find lots of time to do things I also love, spending time with my girls, walking my dog, playing the guitar or keyboards, writing, exercising, playing hockey, going to see live music etc. Maybe being practical, and doing something you love don’t have to be the same thing, and can still be done together. There is nothing like scoring a goal playing beer league hockey, learning a new riff on the guitar, mastering a Keith Emerson keyboard sequence, running around with a dog, screaming at the top of your lungs at a concert and how should you just your success.

So, my running around may have confused you, but this is soul searching, and a long conversation I have had with my kids trying to figure out their dreams, and whether or not to follow them. The one thing I remind them that all of them take hard work, and dedication. That hoping they will come true is not enough, you need to put the work in. Each goal with come with obstacles, and it will be how you get thru them will determine if you are a success or not. It is also ok to turn around, and say it’s not for you, not every goal is achievable, and every mountain climbable, as when this happens, it’s how you react, get back on your feet that matters. Having resilience is the key. Even if you fail at something you don’t love, you still need to pick yourself up and move on. It is much easier when it is something you do love, but not everyone can chase their dreams. But hopefully you will do something you love on the side.

I have not posted my disclaimer for a while so hear it is…

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site, to keep it add free and use wordpress, and try to spend any time on the usability on the site (I apologize for that)

My grandmother on my mothers side had a philosophy, Eat Dessert first, and I asked why, she said “Cause I never know if I am going to live thru dinner.” As I child you think that is funny, but the older and older I get, I start to understand the wisdom of the statement. It wasn’t about the simple meal, but more on how her outlook on life made her special. What was funny is she did something that made others eat dessert first, she would take chocolate bars and slice them up in pieces and put them out as part of welcoming snacks. She was more known for having Olives and celery out in a special bowl but i remember the snickers. Many people didnt there were there but us kids did.

My mom always said, life is not a dress rehearsal, you only go around once. As it was great advice, and I didn’t see the connection again till i was much later. I am now in my 50’s and with two kids I need to raise by myself it is often tough to do. But every so often I just do. One quick story, a few weekends ago, my friend called me and said come down to the shore, there is a band playing. Well that was at 10pm at night, he is about 1.5 hrs. away, I would have to bring the kids and the dog and crash at his place. Well the car was packed and we were off.

There are days I can;t follow that philosophy. I need to go to work, follow my daily routine and be a “responsible” adult. But that does not prevent me from thinking about what I can do when the time comes. Alas, it was not eat dessert before every meal, it was select meals. So when the time comes, I will eat dessert. and not worry about the days I don’t. Sorry to be short but not much more needs to be said, so enjoy that cake before

Go read my world famous disclaimer on other posts. I also don’t have advertising, charge etc for this. I ask you to donate to your favorite charity or mine.

I happen to get reminded of this every so often. If you are even in park and see a nice winding path, then you notice there are these dirt paths that cut thru the nice park. Ever wonder why? Well the answer is very simple, people like the shortest distance between two points. If designers were good, they would have created the path where the dirt paths are. I have this picture in my office, and remind people of a class I took in user experience (at that time called human computer interfaces) where we were taught this lesson.

I happen to get reminded of this every so often. If you are even in park and see a nice winding path, then you notice there are these dirt paths that cut thru the nice park. Ever wonder why? Well the answer is very simple, people like the shortest distance between two points. If designers were good, they would have created the path where the dirt paths are. I have this picture in my office, and remind people of a class I took in user experience (at that time called human computer interfaces) where we were taught this lesson.

If a user is given a hard way to do something, they will work around it. In fact, if your application is really bad, people will avoid using it all together. At work, users were so annoyed with a system that was built, they were manually doing thing in Excel not to use the application! The technology team had no idea, in fact it was not until there was an issue with the work-around that anybody even notice it existed.

There is often a challenge where rules (internal), regulations (external) and just bad design that get in people’s way. And as humans we have a few choices, suffer and just use it, find a workaround or shortcut, and lastly just don’t do it. For businesses that last answer means losing business, someone leaving for your competitor, and lost revenue. If you are the only game in town (Cable) it often gives resentment, and people angered, and hoping one day there is any competitor they can leave you.

Governments are in the best spot, or well they think they are. They often put regulations and or processes in place that make people go through hoops to get done. Often the ideas are right, or they are trying to solve a problem that happened once. They like to as we say “Cover their ass” or in some cases, ensure business cover their asses. When companies create internal rules, it is often for the same reason. They are trying to prevent something bad happening, or drive people into a specific direction. But what happens when people have enough, and at what point should people should be empowered to make decisions?

This is another case I ran into with my kids’ school. There was a situation that did not fit a standard process, and left myself and my child frustrated. We were fortunate someone outside the situation who had some power could get resolve, otherwise the problem would have not been resolved. I even explained to this Senior person, who actually understood my analogy. The situation was not something that the law had written, and the people who were responsible for making a decision were so focused on following the rules (cover themselves) that they could not see the correct answer. There was a point, I just walked away thinking bureaucracy once again takes over.

I did step back, and think about some of the hoops we need to climb through on a daily basis, and realize there are three types of the people; those who follow the rules, those who find the shortcuts in everything, and those who pick their spaces. Those who follow the rules often get annoyed and frustrated often. They seem to hit roadblocks, and can’t believe why this always happens to them. They often have friends who just do shortcuts on everything, and are even more frustrated as they know if they were to do the same, they would get caught.

But I think it is more than that. We as parents try to teach our children to do the right thing. We want our kids to not have to lie, cheat or skirt rules to get somewhere. But when schools, companies, and government put overwhelming processes in place people it gets hard to continue to do the right things. I left this situation trying to explain to my daughter that doing the right thing, is still the better way. Being the better person will in the long run pay off. There are times to take the shortcut, and in this case, it was not one of them.

As for what the solution really is, there should be a law called the law of common sense. Yeah, the title of this was condom sense I know, where people should be empowered to use common sense and do the right thing. Many companies empower employees to make decisions without having to go thru hoops, without having to sign 90 pieces of paper in triplicate, call 5 levels of management. There is a place for pretty paths that take you the long way, but there can also be a small path the gets people to where they want to go quickly. Not every path has a Waze app to help you get there the fastest way, it is up to people to solve it. I have no idea where my daughter and I would be without someone who was willing to cut through the tape and solve a problem, but I am thankful it ended up ok.

As for designing systems, we managed to find out why the users were skirting using it, and fixed it. Funny the fix wasn’t hard, was more about timing about the data. And I continue to push my development team to build systems that not only solves a business problem, but makes a user’s life easier.

Go read my world famous disclaimer on other posts. I also don’t have advertising, charge etc for this. I ask you to donate to your favorite charity or mine. http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080&fbclid=IwAR1s94AB9DIWbg9HbKok91xODYCuAQJvxYKHHGCNUThp1NCWlXQJWNLxw9I

First, he is one of my favorite actors/comedians whatever you want to call him. From stints on Saturday night live to some great movies. I remember liking Ground Hog Day when no one else did, and now people understand the movie its more of cult love. I can watch Caddy Shack (his scenes) on Youtube any time I need a laugh. But none of this gives any insight to the person, or does it.

First, he is one of my favorite actors/comedians whatever you want to call him. From stints on Saturday night live to some great movies. I remember liking Ground Hog Day when no one else did, and now people understand the movie its more of cult love. I can watch Caddy Shack (his scenes) on YouTube any time I need a laugh. But none of this gives any insight to the person, or does it. 

Bruce Lee (who i have written about before) used his movies to introduce Chinese culture and his philosophy. It was easy to see the culture; the philosophy was a bit hidden. It took watching some missing scenes from Game of Death to really understand the story line. Could Bill Murray be doing the same with some of his movies? And does the Bill Murray sightings have more to teach us.  

For those who have not heard the stories (there is even a movie about it) Bill Murray just shows up randomly and does thing with people he does not know. From sitting in wedding pictures, to partying with college kids, to doing someone’s dishes, to being in a short movie for someone. All random, and all done unexpecting. Before smartphones were the norm, most of the sightings were more rumor and stories, later people have evidence of Bill Murray dancing with people he does not know, doing karaoke with random people etc. Hell, in one incident he chipped in for the beer! 

But why does a superstar (well and older one) do something like this? Why does he go out and make people’s day? Maybe it’s a lesson we all need to think about. Why not be adventurous, why not step out of our daily routine and spend a little time doing something out of the norm. What do we have to lose? We all find ourselves living in a bubble much of the time, seeing the same people, eating the same things, doing the same job that we don’t know much else. When is the last time someone called or texted you out of a blue to do something that minute, and did you do it? Or did you stay with your routine? 

If i didn’t, I would have never met Willie Nile or Johnny Pisano (musician), Ziggy Marley (another musician) – I would never have flown a plane, driven a motorcycle, I somehow ended up in a squad picture in the parking garage at a mall. Invited to come back to a wedding at the beach in LBI. I could list more, but you get the picture.  

I don’t do it as often as i should, but maybe once a month i should go somewhere i never went, introduce myself to someone I don’t know, and put myself in a situation to have a good time with someone who didn’t expect it. And how does this relate at work, how about walking to the floor, introducing yourself to people you don’t know at work, ask what they do and learn about them. It’s funny, there seems to be a theme, to fix things, it is about fixing yourself or making a change to yourself first, and don’t worry about anyone else.  

Bill Murray made me laugh by watching him, and I he will make me laugh every time I go do something out of my shell and find myself somewhere new. 

Bruce Lee (who i have written about before) used his movies to introduce Chinese culture and his philosophy. It was easy to see the culture, the philosophy was a bit hidden. It took watching some missing scenes from Game of Death to really understand the story line. Could Bill Murray be doing the same with some of his movies? And does the Bill Murray sightings have more to teach us.

For those who have not heard the stories (there is even a movie about it) Bill Murray just shows up randomly and does thing with people he does not know. From sitting in wedding pictures, to partying with college kids, to doing someones dishes, to being in a short movie for someone. All random, and all done unexpecting. Before smartphones were the norm, most of the sightings were more rumor and stories, later people have evidence of Bill Murray dancing with people he does not know, doing karaoke with random people etc. Hell in one incident he chipped in for the beer!

But why does a superstar (well and older one) do something like this? Why does he go out and make people’s day. Maybe its a lesson we all need to think about. Why not be adventurous, why not step out of our daily routine and spend a little time doing something out of the norm. What do we have to lose. We all find ourselves living in a bubble much of the time, seeing the same people, eating the same things, doing the same job that we don’t know much else. When is the last time someone called or texted you out of a blue to do something that minute, and did you do it? Or did you stay with your routine?

If i didn’t, I would have never met Willie Nile or Johnny Pisano (musicians) – Ziggy Marley (another musician) – I would never have flown a plane, driven a motorcycle, I somehow ended up in a squad picture in the parking garage at a mall. Invited to come back to a wedding a the beach in LBI. I could list more, but you get the picture.

I don’t do it as often as i should, but maybe once a month i should go somewhere i never went, introduce myself to someone I don’t know, and put myself in a situation to have a good time with someone who didn’t expect it. And how does this relate at work, how about walking to the floor, introducing yourself to people you dont know at work, ask what they do and learn about them. It’s funny, there seems to be a theme, to fix things, it is about fixing yourself or making a change to yourself first, and don’t worry about anyone else.

Bill Murray made me laugh by watching him, and I he will make me laugh every time I go do something out of my shell and find myself somewhere new.

Go read my world famous disclaimer on other posts. I also don’t have advertising, charge etc for this. I ask you to donate to your favorite charity or mine. http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080&fbclid=IwAR1s94AB9DIWbg9HbKok91xODYCuAQJvxYKHHGCNUThp1NCWlXQJWNLxw9I

For all of my childhood I loved going to concerts, and part of allure was the ticket stub, proof that you were at ELPowell at the Igloo, proof you were at 38 Special and Night Ranger @ Caldwell college on the hill, proof that you were at Bon Jovi at the Count Basie Theatre. Collecting the stubs, and keeping them with other memorabilia from your life for some of us was a thing to do. I even have ticket stubs from Islander playoff games in the 80s, and the NJ devils opening season.

Over the last few years, the in thing is for the tickets to be on your phone. Now being a geek I initially thought it was great. (Same with airline tickets etc.) But then I read the following article (Got to give credit I was not the person who discovered this) https://theoutline.com/post/5628/how-a-concert-ticket-steals-your-personal-data?zd=1&zi=twro2vqo – So the app I need to buy a ticket and get into a show is now scraping information from my phone about me. Buying a ticket for a show should be able say 30% of the ticket price going to the band, that 20% going to the venue, and 50% going to the ticketing company ripping me off. Cause after I pay for tickets, I also have to pay for a ticket fee, and a delivery fee (like it really cost them $10 for them to email me a ticket)

Ok, let me put my distaste and annoyance with ticket companies aside, and get back to the heart of this problem. Something I thought was really innocuous, now is tracking me. Originally I step back, I use Facebook, Google and Instagram, and I know they track me, know everything about what a post, where I shop online etc. But I don’t pay for Facebook, Google and Instagram, all three companies I know that “I am the product” and thus to receive benefit I need to give something up. In all three cases, I am giving up privacy, information etc. Supposed I chose to pay for these services instead of allowing them to track me. well its hard to put a number, but not sure the amount I would pay would be worth it.

But I am paying for tickets, and I am paying the service fee (you are making money on me) now you (without asking permission) are trying to make additional money from me. To me this just has a bad taste. As stated before with the Big 3, your better know by now how the make money (you are the product) but when you are paying for a product they should be their revenue. No for all of those nodding their heads and saying hey lets get mad, I am only telling you 1/2 of the story.

Now let us get into the fine lines, companies that you are paying for service and are tracking you. Some that give you some value for it and some that do not.

• Your Internet service provider: They know where you surf, where you shop, basically ever where you go online, and get this, they sell that information. They are not telling you nor are they giving you additional benefit for it.
• Your Credit card company. The know all your purchases, and much more. And they too sell that information. Some cards have a fee some do not, they all make money from the vendors, but they all sell your info. You only pay for free cards if you carry a balance.
• Your Store -Club-Rewards-Discount-etc. So at any store you can get a card (not a credit card) and they give you discounts (supermarket, retail store etc.) and for the discount the value they do is track everything you buy.
• Amazon – you dont think Amazon sells the data they collect about what you shop for (whether you buy it or not) – They dont tell you.
• All Free “internet services” (We listed the big 3 but any other)
• Add any app that the NY Times find tracking you – https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/12/10/business/location-data-privacy-apps.html – and again the benefits based on the app.

Well I use Amazon, a credit card, Verizon (right now for ISP) etc. I have a Stop and Shop Card and use the Big 3, so why I am so up and arms about AXS or any other company tracking me. At this point my information must be bought and sold a 100x over. I think it is because they didn’t tell me. Yes I am angry about my ISP, and use a VPN, and I use Amazon as a matter of convenience. My daughter asked me today while we are driving “do you miss shopping in a store” and honestly as we passed IEI, yes I do. For many places, I still go, for the people (Ask Amanda and her crew at GNC) There are some things though I don’t need help picking out. Paper towels is not something that I need expert advice nor I will talk about, but talking to the people about GNC about changing up my workout and how good I have done dropping 30 lbs over the last 4 months. It is very different.

My personal information really is out there, and I don’t have control over some of it. I said it once before and I will say it again, I vote with my wallet. If a company is giving me value for my money, or my information than I will make the choice. I just hope companies will be forward and tell me what it is costing me, vs. hiding it. If Verizon told me for the discounted price, they collect information, than it is my choice. At stop and shop I say 99% of the time I forgot my card, and they put in a generic card, thus i get the discount without the tracking (yes you can do that)

I guess its just the idea we need to be educated, something we didnt have to do before, the amount of knowledge is just greater. And I try to do my best to enlighten people.

Go find my disclaimer on other posts.. but as always i dont advertise, don’t ask for money, if you want you can donate to a charity I care about -http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080 – Morgan Stanley pays all administrative costs for the Children’s Hospital, so 100% of your donation goes to kids. Have a good holiday.

Today I got an article in my feed about having to “leave work early” and what it meant…  The point the author made were the following:

1. Work is a never ending process – It’s fact and we may as well get used to it, therefore stop focusing on 1 day or 1 week and start planning for a career. So harness the skills of time management and stop trying to get everything done in a day!
2. Interest of a client is important, so is your family – Honestly I scoff at the remark from those who think 2 hours in the evening is enough for your family, it’s really not. They will always enrich your life more than a client ever can, give them the time they deserve.
3. If you fall in life neither your client or boss will lend you a helping hand, your family will – Don’t get me wrong I was conflicted with this as I try to be a good boss and always try to be there, but I try, families always will, no questions asked.
4. Life is not only about work, office, and client – I love the people and industry I work within and man when we celebrate it’s fantastic but do you know what, that’s one moment. With friends and family, it’s continuous and without expectation. Cherish your moments with family/friends and experience new adventures with them as well.
5. A person who stays late at the office is not a hardworking person – This raised a lot of dispute on my original post and I understand why people would disagree but I have a different view. I have learnt in 10 years of recruitment that those who are able to work effectively in the time provided they are hugely successful and enjoy a great work life balance. If you are working 10-12 hours I beg you to look at what you are trying achieve and question whether they are genuinely adding benefit. Plan your day before you start your day, don’t do it at 8am or 8.30am when your day has started as your already chasing your tail. Don’t be a fool.
6. You did not study hard or struggle in life to become a machine – Nail on head, machines can operate 24 hours a day with the right fuel. You cannot, balance your life, remember you have 24 hours a day, 8 hours to sleep, 8 hours to work, 8 hours of your own!
7. If your boss forces you to work late – You know what I am a boss. If I have to ask anyone to work late or work late myself I am a fool. To date, I have never asked anyone to work late, I never will. Practice what you preach.  — From Andrew McGregor (giving him credit) 

Well what I like to really address is numbers 2-3.   First I tread my work (employees, employer, hell the custodian) all as family.  I will say hi to them, treat them with respect and treat them like who they are, a person.   In my day, I spend 3.5 hrs commuting, 9-10 hours at work, 6 hours sleeping that means about 5 hrs at home.  But I need to walk the dog, eat, clean up, shower, exercise etc.  So really the author maybe correct I spend 2 hours with the family.  But that is Monday thru Friday, Saturday and Sunday is not that.   My coworkers are part of my family, and I hope I am part of theirs, and spending time at work should be an enjoyable relationship experience.  I guarantee I don’t like everyone, but I do respect them and their talents.  Maybe its wrong, and maybe I will never be a Managing Director as like people, but I have friends.

As for number three, when you fall who will be there.  I have written before that I have had one of the worst tragedies in life, my wife passed away.  For those who were at the funeral, it was packed, by the book around 500 people.  And of those people, my current whole staff, five people from the business I support including both Managing Directors, my managing director, 2 previous managers, and thirty plus previous employees, including one who was in from China, lastly there were others co-workers from other divisions where I had worked before.  I was just dumbfounded, for  the outpouring of love and support.   These were people who were there when I was at rock bottom, and the people along with my friends (wait these people are my friends also) would help me get back up.

I cherish the moments I have with people at work, I cherish the moments with my friends at home, and cherish every second I spend with my girls.  Maybe I have a different perspective of life, I make sure I get my work done, and leave when I need to leave, and spend time balancing what I need to do with with my life.  But work is a big part of my life, and the people there are a big part also, maybe we should rethink our world, where our freinds, family, co-workers are all one big happy family.   Not something to leave, at least i think so.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, but if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife)  http://give.nyp.org/site/TR/DIYTeamRaiser/General?px=1031549&pg=personal&fr_id=1080

I want to answer a simple question that continues to come up. In light of the shooting today we here why do we hate. My answer is simple. We accept hate and often celebrate it, until something like this happens.

We won’t admit it, but on almost a daily basis it rears it’s ugly head, and even I get caught up in the moment. Let’s start with sports. How many times have you heard or actually stated “I hate that team” or “ I hate that teams fans. They are all assholes”. You may not mean it in they way that would mean you would kill all their fans, but that is because your head is on straight. But how many times have you heard about fights in the stands, at games, hell even at youth sports where anger goes overboard and the incident goes out of control. If you have not, you are living under a rock.  For some reason sports brings out the worst in some people, and over what, bragging rights.   The following year, last years bragging rights don’t matter.

I’ll put everyone’s favorite topic up, politics. How many Facebook posts state I hate this politician or than one. I could care less what they do, but the attacks and anger is there. And the words are hateful. How many friends have you silenced their posts because of it. How many people have quit Facebook over politics. How many groups exists to that a pro anything and all the posts are hateful insights.

Worse, I hear people say they hate a type of music. Wait it’s music (well some of it is ) and you hate music?  It’s not like music can punish you, just turn it off.  I hear fans state well I hate that band because of this or that. And will spend effort blasting a hateful opinion. I may not like opera or country but I would never say it’s awful. The scary part is you listen to interviews and hear what artists say, they talk about influences and sometimes the influences are your favorite band, and other times they are the band you hate most (or style). Hell I just learned Tiffany was a huge ac/dc and sabbath fan. And that made her want to be a singer. Who can connect those 2?

Listen to musicians. They often tell you how the steal from other genres of music and make it their own. It is us the fans who are the ones with the hate.  Artist can appreciate other artists, but we feel like it our place to demean something else, I guess needs better things to do with their time.

We accept hate in too many places and than decide where it shouldn’t be. Because we believe hate is wrong. We preach segregation from the highest mountain in the loudest voice than are shocked when hate goes to far.  It is almost impossible to know who will go too far, and who will remain calm.  I hope no one I personally know goes to far.   But the only person i can control is myself, and I guess that is all I can do.

I am saddened when I hear about deadly attacks but I can say that I am no longer shocked. For the last 1000 plus years of teaching hate, there isn’t a way one incident or one law will stop it. I am not sure what the answer is to start the reverse this problem.  Simply crucifying those who go to far isn’t working.  I don’t ever think there will be a moment we are going to join hands and sing kumba ya. So I guess the only person I should ask to change is myself.  Do what I always do, make a joke about certain things, and try not to use the word hate.   And as I write one last thought, I keep finding that often the answer is becoming a better person first, and hoping all others will do the same.

World famous disclaimer – ah find it on other posts…

just for the one-thousandth time I heard “delete twitter,” or insert whichever social network is getting you aggravated.  This time, it Elon Musk (or you can insert anyone) tweeted something stupid, and the reaction is to tell him to get off of twitter.  But, is it really twitters fault.  In fact, I can’t seem to go a day or two without someone else posting something on twitter and then apologizing.   Everyone from an editor that was hired at the NY Times, to athletes, to politicians seem to decide to engage in stupidity on social networks.

I am not perfect, and in my personal life there are people who annoy me who I often engage, and not “sub-tweeting” here about those people when I chose to engage, it is usually with that person directly.    But what I don’t do is take that engagement to social media.   When I was younger, I was taught there were two ways to deal with bullies, either engage them or walk away.  Bruce Lee was big in not engaging.  His philosophy was if we were not going to fight to the death, don’t engage at all.  In fact, in much of his teachings is how to avoid a fight, or get out of one quickly.  For some reason, people think if they are engaged via social media, they need to respond.

So why if we are taught in kindergarten, no to engage bullies, that we almost insist on engaging people thru social media?  After that, we then blame social media for our actions?  Well, the second question is easier, it is much easier to blame social media tools than ourselves.  Our brains have a natural defense mechanism, we need to protect, and keep the status quo,   Blaming Twitter is easier than saying “I should have known better”    Learning how not to engage is something I hope my children learn.  Many of us have not grown up where things are public, and stay online forever, that we have gotten away with many little mistakes we have made.   Now when someone makes a mistake, it is online forever.

But is there something in the way we are wired that want us to have the last word, that wants us to publically show that we are the alpha, that we have won the battle?   It is one of the things I would like to know.  I do know that I have often thought about posting about something (political, social commentary, opinion) on social media and thinking about the reaction.  Mostly I think about the positive reaction of people “liking.”  In 99.9% of the times, I don’t post.  I gave in a week or so ago as I saw social media stocks (please not at the time of that post and this writing I have zero direct investment in any of them, if a mutual fund I have does have I don’t know about it directly) getting pounded for what I thought was a positive moral move, but of course a bad for business move.

The notion to want to be accepted, to be like is wired into many of us.   I see it with myself, and my children on social media.  Many posts to see who can get the most likes, in fact asking each other for likes.   One of the best ways to get likes, it to push on peoples emotions.  To strike an emotional like often takes something that could be a bit controversial.  Of course, although it may garner likes from one side of people, another group its extremely negative.   I will go back to the NY Times editor, who tweeted often derogatory posts about white people.   Her followers loved it, of course now getting hired by the NY Times it is a little bit under scrutiny.   In the pre-internet days, her extent of her reach would be close friends who she could state her opinion, and it went no more than the circle of people who heard it.   By posting on twitter, yes she has a better reach, but it is also a permanent record.   I am not sure if its better if someone is a closet racist or an open one, but becoming an open one at least gives us the choice what to do with that information.   I also don’t know what her punishment should be, but maybe that will be another post.

Back to our engaging on social media, we then look at the certain things, lately the election, and try to blame the result on social media.  People were manipulating advertisements and posting to get groups a people to vote, and in some cases not to vote.  The question is, whose fault is that.  I’ll go back to the fact that those of us who did not grow up with social media, we do not know how to deal with it properly, that we do not have the tools in our brain to properly digest it.  But does that make it the platforms fault?  Again I hope my kids are better equipped to handle it, but as people, we need to think about what we read, and figure out what is actually worthwhile or not.  We also need to gather to tools and information to follow, friend or like items so that our feed is not riddled with the waste.  All things that will come in time.

Lastly, we need to learn social etiquette well maybe social media etiquette.   Not that we should act like we do in person, as social media is not in person.  But we need to teach our brains that the likes, the reactions, the group mob mentality is not what makes social media a better place.  Figuring out what would make social media a better place for us, is a journey, one we need to understand we will make missteps, and have to alter course.   We need to weed out those from our world that don’t add value and find the sweet spot of views that can get us to grow and empathize with others, instead of the constant finger point.    We need to not bubble ourselves so we only see one side, but understand there are people who are articulate and argue with logic, not with hate.

This is not an overnight answer.   We have to be patient and understand the only way to succeed is to go through failures.  There is not a quick answer, it is not a 1/2 hr sitcom where everything is resolved between commercials.  We must avoid calling out and shaming people to remove them, but just to ignore them and simply unfollow.  Those who are fighting with anger who have no one listening will lose their voices.  We need to find those who are willing to have open discussions and realize the difference of opinions is not a fight, but an opinion.  Right now the people winning the social media are, are those who are insighting emotion and anger, and that should not be.  Its not Facebook or Twitters fault, it is our collective fault, and that is a hard solution, as it easier to delete social media or regulate them, but the problem will still be there till we improve ourselves.

My world famous disclaimer…  so, this blog has nothing to do with my current or past employers.  I provide the information without warranty blah blah blah. I make no money from this blog, there is no advertising, or charges to anyone.  I do this as a brain dump, to leave something behind.  If you want to support me, instead of doing that support one of the charities i care about, the Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital and Hockey in Newark.  Thanks for reading.  I apologize for not moving to https, it not a cheap thing to do, when i find a way to do it easily I will make it.  But not having logins, posts etc, there is almost no need.