Tag: Success

If you succeeded in everything you do, you are lazy….

July 23, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Last week I wrote about lessons from a goalie parent, but it was missed a few, and well this one was in draft for 2 years (writing another one about my draft problem) and figured hey this is a good time to finish this. When my daughter was first playing hockey competitively there was a notion you most wins or play on a winning team or in some cases play on the highest level of hockey in your age group. I will go into parents ruining youth sports another time, but inside the tornado of youth sports it is a bit crazy. The truth is at the youngest age you want to be on a team that wins equally as many as it loses (whatever level you are in.). The reason, if you are winning all the time, you are not being challenged, if you are losing all the time, you might get completely discouraged. 

Some of the greatest athletes of all time talk about their failures. Michael Jordan once said “I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” What do people remember? Most of us remember the shot of MJ hitting the shot with no time left on the clock. Not only did he fail many time at it, but I am sure (like thousands of other kids) played in their driveway/school yard etc. pretending to make that last shot. I know I did, and I missed the shot a lot, but the one time I hit it I celebrated like I won the NBA Championship. What I didn’t realize I was learning from the missed shots and worked on getting better. 

Bruce Lee (yeah quoting him again) said “Don’t fear failure. — Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.” I wish many times I followed this in my personal life. Simple in words and great in thought, like many other quote from Bruce (Note the 20th of July was the 50th anniversary of his death) show a simple philosophy that many struggle due to inertia to break thru. And the fear of failure and the reaction of others around us to that failure adds to the forces against taking risks. There are few who can escape the stigma, may fail more than the rest of us, but their successes may far outweigh someone who takes not chances. 

I once complained that in school that you could get an A for a failed experiment, as you proved something could not be done the way you thought. I was wrong, in life and in many work situations the notion of moving out of your comfort zone should be celebrated. In real life, whether it is work or your personal life there is a need to ignore the stigma of failing, look forward to the possibility of learning something even in failure. Those standing in the same spot may laugh at your attempts, but they will be in the same spot when you succeed and go past them.  

Now remember what I said about hockey, you need to have equal wins and losses. You can’t lose all the time in life and work. So, moving out of your comfort zone all the time is as bad as not moving out at all. Picking the time to take risks comes with experience and wisdom. Back to hockey, the goalie with the greatest number of wins in hockey also has the greatest number of losses. He had to go out and play with the risk of losing each time, but obviously 691 wins and victories were definitely lessons learned from those losses. In sports sometimes you can’t pick the risk you take, in life you can. Stick your neck out at work, take the new role that is out of your comfort zone, change careers, ask that person out you never met, say yes to something you would normally say no to… but do it with the experience gained from your earlier failures.  And don’t be so lazy, you might fail, but you might succeed.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers have nothing to do with it. I do not write for any financial gain, I do not take advertising and any product company listed was not done for payment. But if you do like what I write you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket, my intention is to keep it free.  I do read all feedback, I mostly wont post any of them

This Blog is a labor of love, and was originally going to be a book.  With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web I chose this path.  I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content.  I apologize in advance for my ADD as often topics may flip.  I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.   AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information.Images without notes are created using and AI tool that allows me to reuse them. 

Very few see the work, and less the mistakes.

August 20, 2016 / / 0 Comments

I know I have told this story a lot.  I have an artist friend, he was amazing.  There were some paintings he did that were of chrome that was sick.  I mean, you swear it was a photograph it was that good.  I was fortunate enough to go to his house once and hang out with him and his wife.  I got to see more of his work, one painting was more impressive than the next.

After a while, I told my friends wife, that she is married to an amazing painter.  Then I found the secret.  She walked me to the backyard to the shed.  In the shed, dozens of broken up canvases, and an ax that he had used to trash them.  Those were all the mistakes that he had made.  For each successful painting that I saw, there was probably more than one bad canvases.   For the first time I realized that artists (and really good ones) were not perfect.  In fact they need to practice and practice, they make mistakes, they are human.   Before that moment, I really thought that they would start a painting, and finish it.

It made me realize, than in my job, I don’t have to get it right first.  I just need to get it right.  When I design screen, or system architecture.  I ask for opinions from other team members. I use the feedback, and sometimes go back and scrap the original design, or just make some changes.   I do not worry that people don’t like my first attempt, as long as we get the last one right.  I even now have a presentation on how one application went from initial design to final application.   So now people see the work that went into building the final project.

Just a reminder, I am not doing this for profit,  this is not my day job, I am just doing a brain dump.  I don’t spend any money on marketing, design or images.  I welcome comments (but moderate) and all I ask for you is to enjoy it.

My world famous disclaimer…  so, this blog has nothing to do about my current employer.  I provide the information without warranty blah blah blah. I make no money from this blog, there is no advertising, or charges to anyone.  I do this as a brain dump, to leave something behind.  If you want to support me, instead of doing that support one of the charities i care about, the Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital and Hockey in Newark.  Thanks for reading.








How you phrase a question….

July 27, 2016 / / 0 Comments

Do you think by simply changing the way your phrase a question can change the answer you get?    The answer is yes.   One of my favorite TV shows, Brain Games.  had a great example.  I apologize for not remembering the episode, but they are on the national georgraphic channel web site.  The setup, was simple.  Show a car accident, and then have a policeman ask questions of witnesses, and see if they can help figure out who was at fault.   The policeman asked 2 different groups the same question, but in two different ways.  In fact it was one word in each sentence was changed.

The officer asked the witnesses, how fast do you think the car was going when it tapped the other car, or how fast do you think the car was going when it smashed into the other car.  The witnesses had 2 different answers.  And it should be obvious.  Those who believed that the car was speeding, and those who thought the car was barely moving.   So changing one word in the question actually changes what someone saw.  The car was going the same speed for everyone.

Just seeing that, I now think about more about what I say, and how I phrase questions.

My world famous disclaimer…  so, this blog has nothing to do about my current employer.  I provide the information without warranty blah blah blah. I make no money from this blog, there is no advertising, or charges to anyone.  I do this as a brain dump, to leave something behind.  If you want to support me, instead of doing that support one of the charities i care about, the Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital and Hockey in Newark.  Thanks for reading.








Having two stamps, Yes and Hobby.

July 20, 2016 / / 0 Comments

I was reminded a bit ago of a story from my college years. I wanted to be a musician, not just a musician it a professional. A star, famous, everything that came with it.   Of course I was not the most talented person, nor did I always have the best work ethic, as I wanted to do 100 other things also.  But I was out there trying.  To make it in the music business it is partly due to “persistence” more than anything.  You keep writing, making demos, and knocking on doors.   When I was a kid there was no real way to publish yourself on YouTube, soundcloud or ITunes.

Often I was hit with a lot of No’s.  It was often disappointing, and in fact sometimes it was downright depressing.  I needed to pick myself up and try again.  But someone did motivate me, but in a very different way than you would think.   Some people are motivated a lot by no’s and push through to finally succeed or crash.  Some people get a few no’s and that is the end of their desire.  Many of those quit playing altogether.  They were not going to become musicians, so they would now focus their energy on something else.  This was a travesty.  But sometimes there is something better than a no.

Upon one of my many attempts to succeed I ran across a record executive who had a different approach than most.   He didn’t reject anyone.  He had two stamps.  One that said “Contract” which meant he was going to sign you, and you were on your way to coming a star.   But he had a second stamp, that was a bit unusual compared to many of his competitors.   This stamp was “Hobby.”   In a quick conversation with him, he never wanted anyone to quit playing.  He thought everyone should be playing an instrument.  Not as a professional, but for fun.   So he came up with another stamp other than no.  The Hobby stamp was used a lot, and he let people know that only a few people can get contracts.

This was the first time I saw something like this, and I don’t think I ever saw anything like it in any other endeavor whether it be sports, arts or business.  People often hate rejecting, in fact many times they hide behind keyboard and texting on phones.  If the lesson to be learned is if you need to reject, figure out the right way to do it so that it directs the person forward not backwards.

My world famous disclaimer…  so, this blog has nothing to do about my current employer.  I provide the information without warranty blah blah blah. I make no money from this blog, there is no advertising, or charges to anyone.  I do this as a brain dump, to leave something behind.  If you want to support me, instead of doing that support one of the charities i care about, the Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital and Hockey in Newark.  Thanks for reading.








Sometimes you drive a Camaro

June 10, 2016 / / 0 Comments

When you are young and single, you buy yourself a hot car like a Camaro.   Yes I know some people are mustang fans, and others are into Japanese crap, but for the story let’s stick with the Camaro.  It’s great seats two, and not much in the back seat, you look cool with your hair slicked back, ray bans on.  Drive around with the windows down and the radio blasting on ocean ave by the shore.  The goal to impress chicks, and guess what?  Some day you do, and you finally find the one.

Of course the first few years of marriage, still driving around in the Camaro it’s cool since it is just you.  But eventually you have to 2.3 kids, and when they are really little, they fit in the back.  You by strollers designed by origami experts so they fit in th trunk, but runs to Cosco are not that easy as you need to load up on diapers etc.  As kids get older and they have friends it’s hard to squeeze the 4 kids and 2 adults in the car, yes kids can sit on each others lap, and while they are young, they seem to be ok with this.  But as they get bigger it’s harder.  The funny thing is that you don’t blame the car for the issue, but the situation. That the car was fine in your 20s its fine now.

Fast forward 20 years, the kids are gone, and now you have an antique Camaro that you take to car shows as its all original, and mint.  You tell stories of how you and your wife met and how you squeezed 6 kids in the back once, and tell fond stories.  Noting there is nothing wrong with the Camaro.

It’s not that every tool is right for the situation, but sometimes you do have to use a hammer, sometimes you have to use a screw driver, and sometimes you can drive a Camaro

My world famous disclaimer…  so, this blog has nothing to do about my current employer.  I provide the information without warranty blah blah blah. I make no money from this blog, there is no advertising, or charges to anyone.  I do this as a brain dump, to leave something behind.  If you want to support me, instead of doing that support one of the charities i care about, the Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital and Hockey in Newark.  Thanks for reading.








The power of saying no….

June 7, 2016 / / 0 Comments

Simply put, when you have less on your plate, you have more time to dedicate to the items that are there, and to do them with 100% attention.  If you say yes to everything, you are continuously having to split your attention to multiple things, and there is no way you can get it all done at your best.  Delegate, get things off your plate.

No can also be not now, like I can’t do this until the other things are done.  I have a hard time teaching this to people, about blocking out time on their calendar to get something done.  If you have multiple tasks, you need to block out more time, and get one done at a time.  Turn off Outlook alters, put the phone on silent, remove distractions.  If you want to succeed and giving something 100%, your need to give it your 100% attention.  Of course while I am writing this I have the Stanley Cup playoff game on.  The issue, I cannot tell you what’s happening in the game, it is background noise.   But as soon as this is done, going to rewind and catch up on the game.

So I can’t find a graph that I used for years, but it is a graph showing how productive software developers against the number of tasks (systems) they are coding.  When a developer has a single application he or she is working on, they are 100% efficient.  Now you think giving them a second application, they would be 50% efficient in each, but it actually drops down to about 33%, give them a 3rd and they are 10% efficient, and after that they are so inefficient.  The proof is when we hire a new developer.  To bring them on slowly we give them one application to work on.  Once we see how competent they are, we give them more.  After the third application we start wondering if we hired the right person, they were so productive a while ago.  This plays out everywhere I worked until I figured it out.  Now I keep my team somewhat productive, by teaching them to say no to doing more, and if they have to, but blocking out time.

The goal is how do you say no, how do you tell someone that you can’t do something for them.  Or as my teenage daughter does, is say yes to one activity, then a 2nd one that comes along and is better.  What to do?  Its really simple, be open and honest.  I have xyz to do, you would be the nth Priority on my list.   Most managers understand, some will say “this is the highest priority” which you say, then you are giving me the OK to go to the others and say they will be delayed.   To me this is basic as a rope with three ends tug of war.  On one end is quality, the other is time, and the last is number of tasks.   If you increase any one, it will affect the others.  If you want to keep in balance, you must be assured you have enough time, or be willing to sacrifice quality.  Often the best way to keep the balance, say no.

My world famous disclaimer…  so, this blog has nothing to do about my current employer.  I provide the information without warranty blah blah blah. I make no money from this blog, there is no advertising, or charges to anyone.  I do this as a brain dump, to leave something behind.  If you want to support me, instead of doing that support one of the charities i care about, the Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital and Hockey in Newark.  Thanks for reading.








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