There is a quote that comes up in movies that I often repeat. From Finding Forrester, “The one wish that was granted to me so late in life was the gift of friendship.” And from The Polar Express Santa says, “There’s no greater gift than friendship.” But lately I have been questioning in, as though it sounds beautiful, friendship may not be a gift but a reward. It is a reward for your efforts.
I had a wonderful day the other day, spent the afternoon at a BBQ with some friends with enjoyable conversation, then headed to a bar to watch the Knicks will a championship. If you know me, I am not a Knick or basketball fan. What it was about was spending time with a friend who wanted company in something he enjoyed.
I got home that evening and started thinking about many of my friends, where I connected with them and how we stayed connected. It usually starts with a common connection or hobby, but the effort that is put in comes in when you do things beyond common. An expression you often hear is “They will give the shirt off your back” but I think great friends do not wait for when you that level of help, they are there joining in on your victories also.
When we look at the people we call close friends, we often find they are not just there for the major milestones, or when the shit hits the fan, they find a way to be there in the quiet, deliberate spaces in between. Shifting our perspective from friendship as a “gift” to friendship as a “reward” changes the entire calculus of how we show up for one another. A gift requires nothing more than open hands to receive it. A reward, however, demands investment. It is checking randomly the willingness to sit in traffic just to grab a quick bit, or, as I realized the other night, sitting at a loud bar watching a sport you don’t even follow, simply because the person next to you does.
The beauty of treating friendship as a reward is that it honors the work. It acknowledges that the deep, comfortable shorthand we share with our favorite people is not an accident of fate or a random blessing dropped in our laps. It is something we built, brick by brick, through shared jokes, mutual respect, and ordinary afternoons that turned into lasting memories. The quotes from the movies still sound beautiful, but perhaps Santa and Forrester had it just slightly wrong. Friendship is not the gift; it is the prize we earn refusing to let each other walk through this world alone.
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This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web, I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog. AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. And as always spelunz iz opshunal.