There are two movie quotes that have stayed with me for years. In Finding Forrester, Sean Connery’s character says, “The one wish that was granted to me so late in life was the gift of friendship.” In The Polar Express, Santa tells the children, “There’s no greater gift than friendship.”

I’ve always loved those lines. They’re simple, heartfelt, and hard to argue with. But lately I’ve found myself wondering whether they’re entirely true. Friendship certainly feels like a gift, but perhaps that’s only how it looks once you’ve experienced it. Maybe friendship isn’t a gift at all. Maybe it’s a reward.

That thought came to me after spending a Saturday with friends. The afternoon started with a backyard BBQ filled with easy conversation, good food, and the kind of laughter that comes naturally when you’ve known people for years. Later that evening we headed to a bar to watch the Knicks play for a championship.

Now, if you know me, you know I’m neither a Knicks fan nor much of a basketball fan. I wasn’t there because I cared about the game. I was there because a friend did. Sometimes showing up for someone else’s interests says more about a friendship than sharing your own.

Driving home that night, I found myself thinking about the people I consider close friends. I thought about where each friendship began and, more importantly, why it lasted. Most friendships start with something simple—a shared workplace, a hobby, a mutual friend, or a common interest. Those things bring people together, but they aren’t what keep them together.

The real work begins after that.

We often hear the phrase that a true friend is someone who would “give you the shirt off their back.” That’s certainly admirable, but I don’t think that’s what defines great friendship. Great friends don’t wait for life to fall apart before they show up. They’re there for the celebrations, the random phone calls, the last-minute invitations, and the ordinary moments that never make it into photo albums but somehow become the memories you cherish most.

When we think about our closest friendships, we usually realize they weren’t built during life’s biggest milestones. They were built in the quiet, deliberate moments in between. They were built by checking in for no particular reason, sitting in traffic just to grab dinner for an hour, helping someone move, celebrating a promotion as if it were your own, or, as I realized that night, sitting in a loud sports bar watching a game you don’t even follow simply because the person sitting next to you enjoys it.

Looking at friendship this way changes the entire perspective. A gift is something you’re fortunate enough to receive. It asks nothing of you except that your hands are open. A reward, on the other hand, is earned. It reflects time invested, consistency shown, and the countless small decisions to prioritize another person, even when it’s inconvenient.

Perhaps that’s why the deepest friendships feel so valuable. They’re not accidents of fate or random blessings that happen to fall into our lives. They’re relationships built brick by brick through shared experiences, mutual respect, countless conversations, inside jokes, disappointments, celebrations, and ordinary afternoons that slowly become extraordinary memories.

I still love those movie quotes, and maybe they’re not entirely wrong. Friendship certainly feels like one of life’s greatest gifts. But I think the gift isn’t friendship itself. The gift is having the opportunity to build it, the reward is the result.

The friendship we eventually enjoy—that comfortable feeling of knowing someone has your back and that you’ll gladly have theirs—is the reward for choosing, over and over again, not to let each other walk through life alone.

This opinion is mine, and mine only, my current or former employers, have nothing to do with it. I do not write for financial gain; I do not take advertising, and any product company listed was not paid. But if you do like what I write, you can donate to the charity I support (with my wife who passed away in 2017) Morgan Stanley’s Children’s Hospital or donate to your favorite charity. The fundraising site had to be restarted, and NYP Hospital made changes to their donation sites. I pay to host my site out of my own pocket; my intention is to keep it free.  You can comment, but note it is moderated, and spam will be removed.   

 This Blog is a labor of love and was originally going to be a book. With the advent of being able to publish yourself on the web, I chose this path. I will write many of these and not worry too much about grammar or spelling (I will try to come back later and fix it) but focus on content. I apologize in advance for my ADD as topics may flip. I hope one day to turn this into a book and or a podcast, but for now it will remain a blog.  AI is not used in this writing other than using the web to find information. Images without notes are created using an AI tool that allows me to reuse them. And as always spelunz iz opshunal.